Colbert Delivers Scathing Last Commencement Address for Trump U: 'Congratulations, You've Been Conned by a Master'

Also: "Never take business advice from a man who can't sell vodka or steaks."

Photo Credit: The Late Show/Twitter

On Friday, President-elect Donald Trump agreed to settle the looming lawsuit from Trump University for $25 million. 

The settlement was announced a mere 10 days before one of the cases, a federal class-action lawsuit in San Diego, was scheduled be heard by a jury. "The deal averts a potentially embarrassing and highly unusual predicament: a president-elect on trial, and possibly even taking the stand in his own defense, while scrambling to build his incoming administration," The New York Times reported, adding that the settlement "was a remarkable concession from a real estate mogul who derides legal settlements and has mocked fellow businessmen who agree to them."

Stephen Colbert lampooned the settlement on Monday night, donning a graduation cap and delivering an impromptu commencement speech. 

"Graduates of Trump U, as you leave these hallowed hotel ballrooms to start your lives and then restart your educations at an actual school, you will be entering a troubled world, for example Donald Trump is going to be President," Colbert said. 

But he added the students shouldn't lose hope just yet, especially since they've just won a major lawsuit. 

"But you are uniquely poised to take on that challenge because real world experience is the best teacher, and you've been conned by a master," he reminded the audience. The connections you've made here will last a lifetime. Look to your left. Look to your right. Those are the people you'll be splitting the settlement check with. And I hope and pray that you will take the lessons of Trump University with you. The future is what you make of it."

And one last but very important point for the students and America in general:

"Never take business advice from a man who can't sell vodka or steaks," Colbert pointed out.  "You know what everyone loves? Booze and meat. So go out there and be a shining example of Trump University's timeless motto, 'Carpe Crotch'em.'"

Alexandra Rosenmann is an AlterNet associate editor. Follow her @alexpreditor.

Sign Up!
Get AlterNet's Daily Newsletter in Your Inbox
+ sign up for additional lists
Select additional lists by selecting the checkboxes below before clicking Subscribe:
Election 2018