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Durst: Halloween

Now let me get this straight, the City of Los Altos, California school district has banned Halloween observations on religious grounds. What religious grounds? Are they concerned the distribution of free candy is just phase one of a clever Druid recruitment program? What about trees? The Druids worshipped them. Is that what the timber companies are trying to accomplish with their policy of clearcutting; religious freedom? Perhaps the Los Altans are worried Halloween is a gateway holiday. Sure, if we don't maintain an eternal vigilance, kids will sneak off to dark alleys sacrificing goats for Saturnalia. Until they eventually become Republicans and are willing to sacrifice the elderly for tax cuts. Well, how bout Thanksgiving. Just who do you suppose they were giving thanks to? And picnics? Aren't they another feeding ritual meant to honor the Sun God Ra? Obviously the next target in the sites of the thought police will come in Spring. That's right, the Easter Bunny is going to end up roasted on a cafeteria spit and served with mint jelly to prove to kids that colored eggs and chocolate duckies have no place in public schools. A lot like fun. ###