Human Rights

Stephen Colbert on How to Avoid Being Decimated by a Drone

Colbert helpfully partnered with Al Qaeda last night to inform the world how to avoid ever increasing drone strikes.

With Obama’s drone program now responsible for the deaths of at least 4,700 people, and the Obama administration allowed to kill American citizens without any due process, Stephen Colbert dedicated some time on his show last night to inform people about ways to avoid Obama’s “extrajudicial robo-assassination spree.”

Culled from Al Qaeda’s “tip-sheet” on how to avoid U.S. drone strikes, Colbert told the audience to “switch to AT&T” (whose service is so spotty, it will help one maintain silent wireless communication) and to organize “fake gatherings” by erecting human-like dolls to confuse the drone pilots.

Lastly, the “tip-sheet” suggests planting trees to hide underneath when the planes come, a policy that Colbert realizes will encourage the support of tree-hugging liberals. 

As Colbert argues, “Our drone program is encouraging reforestation. So unless you support our deathbots, you’re killing the planet. Remember: Think locally. Bomb Globally.”

Watch the entire segment for yourself: