Conservative wallops Trump’s 'cretinous worms'

U.S. President Donald Trump reacts as he speaks during the signing ceremony for an executive order on mail ballots, in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, D.C., March 31, 2026. REUTERS/Evan Vucci

American Conservative Managing Editor Jude Russo has no patience for President Donald Trump or his lieutenants proposing endless U.S. intervention in Iran for the foreseeable future. He also has no love for their deft use of labels to deny the obvious.

“Let’s all give a hand for Marco Rubio, secretary of state, favored champion of the White House, and all-around cretinous worm,” said Russo. “The Amazing Plastic Man — the adjective refers to his flexible principles, not his increasingly inflexible face — was hitting the airwaves this Monday morning to articulate the latest version of what the Trump administration regards as its war aims. Excuse me, military operation aims; President Donald Trump has figured out the One Weird Trick around constitutional checks on executive war powers. You just have to use the right words!”

“Well, the war is — this operation, okay — and that’s what this is — is about very specific objectives,” Rubio told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos.

Rubio was there to “sneer” away the claim that Trump has no objectives in the war, by spelling out the objectives of destroying Iran’s navy and its missile launching capabilities, all to derail the nation’s nuclear capabilities.

“I assume Rubio would physically sneer, but for the Botox,” said Russo, while adding that Rubio’s arguments are no less sensible. “We’ll give Trump, Marco, Pete, and the boys two gold stars apiece for destroying the Iranian air force and navy,” said Russo, though there wasn’t much to destroy in the first place.

“[B]ut diminishing the Iranian missile launch capacity — well, mixed bag,” Russo said.

Launch volume may be down, but plenty is still getting through and causing problems as Israel interceptor stores are running down. Putting an end to Iranian missile factories is a lost cause, and Trump and friends likely know it.

“These programs will be maintained and expanded after the war,” said Russo, and keeping them down will be an endless task.

“Among many worrying points about this military operation, this is one of the worst: We have spent a spectacular number of resources in the past month, but we may still well be in the position of ‘mowing the grass,’ of having to return to degrade rebuilt Iranian capacities again. This is a very expensive, politically difficult way of doing business; a quagmire in installments is no less of a quagmire,” said Russo.

And then there is the question of the Strait of Hormuz.

“The strait was open when the war started, and it is all but closed now,” said Russo, pointing out that Trump’s Secretary of Treasury had the nerve to tell Fox News that the number of ships going through the Hormuz is increasing — as if Iran allowing toll-paying ally nations’ ships through the strait was some kind of U.S. victory.

There is no “settled solution” to Hormuz, said Russo, so Trump and his helpers are already setting “the rhetorical groundwork” future intervention. This means “more grass-mowing, or weedwhacking or whatever yardwork-based analogy you prefer,” said Russo.

“Stupendously expensive and destructive military operations every six to 18 months for the foreseeable future does not seem like an appreciably better outcome than the Bush-era occupations,” Russo said. “Indeed, I’d go so far as to describe such a state as ‘forever war.’ As has always been the case, any durable solution will be political and diplomatic — but that’s not this administration’s strong suit, is it?

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