A Sweet Ironic Thing Happened When I Spoke Up for a Woman Getting Harassed on the Street Last Night

I saw four teens on bikes leave the youth center together, riding away from me. A young woman was walking toward me. When the teens saw the woman, two kept going, but one turned around and followed her back down the street toward me.

My mind was on the election, on the meeting i was headed to, and many other things, so at first I didn't really grasp what was unfolding before me. But as they got closer I could hear what was being said.

I watched this kid on a bicycle riding slowly alongside this woman saying, "you should say thank you. How come you can't at least say thank you. You a beautiful woman.  Ignoring me when i'm giving you a compliment is mean."

She looked equal parts annoyed and terrified. He kept badgering her for a response. One of his friends tagged along a little way behind him.

Finally as they were about to pass me she said in exasperation "OK, thank you"

This kid (could not have been more than 18 and the woman involved looked to be in her mid to late 20s) then said into the air, "All right!, all right!  I got a thank you. At least I got a thank you."

The woman said over her shoulder as she passed me by, "You get a thank you and that's all you get. That's all you get."

I was older, taller and larger than the woman being harassed. No one had ever, ever spoken up for me when i was young and vulnerable. I suddenly felt it was important to speak up. I went into #YouOKSis and #NotJustHello mode.

Him--I'm not bothering her, I just told her she was beautiful.

Me--Why couldn't you just let her walk the street in peace

Him--I feel compelled inside to say something whenever I see a beautiful female. That's what me and my boys have to do. (Another smaller kid on a bicycle came and joined him, but said nothing.) The least she could do is say thank you.

i said she is not obligated to say thank you to you, which stunned him.  he did an actual double take, shaking his head quickly like whaaa?.  he could not believe what he was hearing.  i continued--she is not obligated to talk to you at all.  what made you think she wanted to talk to you in the first place?

him: i wasn't thinking about that, i just felt something inside that had to be expressed.

I said (knowing it was pointless) your desire to talk to her is not more important than her desire to get where she is going without being bothered.

Him--I'm not bothering her, I just told her she was beautiful!

Me--You may not know this, but a lot of women don't like being pressured to talk to men that way.

Him--I do know that, but I just had to say something anyway.

Me--Well if you know it, then why do you do it?

We went back and forth for a while, with him eventually admitting he knew that most women don't like being called out to on the street. Especially at night.  

At the same time he was completely set in his ways. "Yeah, I know she might not like it, but that's just what we do.  She's being mean by not being polite and saying thank you!"

I said if you know she might not like it why do you do it?

We went around like that for another couple of minutes.

Then a sweet sweet ironic thing happened. He said: wait a minute, why did you start talking to me?  Suppose I didn't want to talk to you!

Aha! I thought! Now he knows how it feels!!!???

But then I felt my fear returning. I worried that the other two guys on bikes might come back and then I would be even more outnumbered. In fact, even now I still worry that they will retaliate against me, because I am known in the neighborhood. What a thing to get shot for...

Oh well.  At least i offered a distraction to help one woman get home in peace. For one moment i stood up and was not a bystander while shyt went down. One small rebellion that may not mean anything in the larger scheme of things.

But damn it, i am fed up

After 50 years of this crap I feel I need to fight back somehow.

If I do get shot for it I can at least be another example that "just answering back" is not a viable option for women.

Yet.