'Please stop getting so worked up': Scathing parody slams railway’s response to Ohio train derailment

20 February 2023

Executives for Norfolk Southern Railway have drawn a great deal of criticism for deciding not to participate in a townhall event held in East Palestine, Ohio on Wednesday night, February 15, when residents gathered to discuss the health and environmental concerns they have had since a train carrying hazardous materials derailed in their area earlier in the month. The company cited a "growing physical threat" to its employees as its reason for not sending representatives to the townhall.

After the derailment on February 3, more than 2000 residents were evacuated. People living in the area have been complaining of headaches, nausea and other symptoms.

In an opinion column published by the Washington Post on February 17, journalist Alexandra Petri uses scathing humor to slam Norfolk Southern for its response to a serious health/environmental crisis. Petri’s column is a parody and finds her portraying a Norfolk Southern exec. But as dark-humored as the column is, Petri has no problem getting her points across.

"Good people of East Palestine, Ohio and concerned observers elsewhere!" Petri sarcastically writes. "We at Norfolk Southern are going to need you to relax. Calm down! You do not need us to come to your town hall and answer your questions. That sounds very stressful. We just need everybody to take a big, deep breath — maybe not outdoors, though? — and chill. Please stop getting so worked up about all the chemicals that we have kindly donated to the environment around your town, OK?"

After the train derailment, there were reports of 3500 fish dying in local waterways — a fact that Petri mentions in her parody.

"Yes, we understand that 3500 fish are dead," Petri says. "I hate to break it to you, but fish aren’t immortal. You think those fish were going to live forever?"

When the Norfolk Southern train derailed, local officials feared an explosion. A controlled burn was carried out in order to prevent that, and the burn released toxic chemicals into the air.

"Do you have any idea what those chemicals are worth? A lot!" Petri writes. "And we gave them to you for free! To you, and your children, and possibly your children’s children! Relatedly, please do not drink your well water until we’ve had a chance to test it!"

Read Alexandra Petri’s full column at this link (subscription required).

From Your Site Articles