Iowa editor torpedoes 'sentient Monster energy drink' Joe Rogan for believing Trump

Author and former Cedar Rapids Gazette columnist Lyz Lenz battered popular podcaster Joe Rogan for being gullible enough to buy the lies of President Donald Trump prior to his election.

“Joe Rogan, that sentient Monster energy drink, spent part of his career hosting Fear Factor, where he made people eat s——; now he’s on a podcast spewing s——,” said Lenz. “But that Kermit the Frog-sounding over-roasted turkey apparently just learned how to read, because he’s kind of mad at Trump about the war in Iran. He feels furious. He feels betrayed.”

Outside of critical thinking, how could Rogan have known that the president who “indiscriminately used air strikes against many countries during his first term” would bomb countries during his second term, Lenz demanded.

In a similar bent, Lenz said Rogan invited Trump-appointed FBI Director Kash Patel on his podcast nine months ago, where Patel assured him that the FBI was on the up-and-up on the release of the Jeffrey Epstein files.

“And Rogan completely believed him. Patel’s whole argument was, ‘Trust me, bro.’ And Rogan, “the man who won't believe in vaccine science,” bought it. Now Rogan is calling the FBI’s claim of no evidence Epstein had clients “the gaslightiest gaslighting s—— I’ve ever heard in my life.”

But Lenz wondered what kind of intelligence can you expect “from a man who believes that 30 seconds on Google makes him more knowledgeable about apes than an actual primatologist?” Or that “turning your body into chuck roast isn’t a turn-on for women, and the FIFA Peace Prize was all a lie?”

This was, after all, the same chap “who became the face of horse dewormer during a worldwide pandemic, and whose podcast is Fixer Upper but for racist comedians looking to rehab their image?” said Lenz, while also blasting Rogan’s audience as “mostly people who wear sunglasses on the back of their heads and drive Cybertrucks and call women ‘females’ and owe $5,000 to DraftKings.”

“In Iowa, we just call them divorced dads on Bumble,” said Lenz.

But expect no repent or introspection from a man with a brain of “turkey jerky,” said Lenz. How does one think that deeply when their body “has the material composition of an owl pellet?”