Would you have dinner with a Trump supporter if you didn't have to?

A supporter wears an apron with Trump's picture before Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally at the Rocky Mount Event Center in Rocky Mount, North Carolina, U.S., October 30, 2024. REUTERS/Jay Paul

I consider myself tolerant. My preferred self-image is someone who enjoys meeting all kinds of people with all sorts of views. I tell my students that the best way to learn something is to talk with someone who disagrees with you.

But yesterday I got an invitation from a friend to a dinner party she was organizing, with a warning that she was also inviting someone I’ll call Jim.

Jim is a dyed-in-the-wool Trump supporter. He was entranced by Trump in 2016. He thought that Trump won the 2020 election and it was “stolen” from him. He contributed money to Trump’s 2024 campaign. Jim worships Trump.

Our paths crossed briefly several years ago at a cocktail party. When Jim began praising Trump, I wanted to puke. Instead, I left the party and haven’t seen him since.

My friend’s invitation to her dinner party to which she’s also invited Jim is putting me to the test. I really don’t want to go. I cannot stomach the idea of talking with him. And yet, what about my preferred self-image? What about my admonition to my students? What about my supposed tolerance of different views?

So today I’m asking you what you’d do in my circumstances. Would you:

1. Accept her invitation and engage with Jim. It’s a good opportunity to practice what you preach. If you really believe all of us should talk with people with whom we disagree, you should ask him why he supports Trump and explain why you don’t. You might learn something.

2. Accept her invitation and try to be as polite to Jim as possible but don’t engage. She’s a friend of yours so you should accept her invitation and treat Jim nicely. You don’t have to bring up Trump or politics. If he brings them up, you can just say you’d rather not get into it and move to a different topic.

3. Accept her invitation but avoid talking with Jim. It’s a dinner party, so others will be invited. There’s no law that says you have to talk with him. If it’s a sit-down dinner, you might ask your friend to place you as far away from Jim as possible. If he moves in your direction before or after the sit-down dinner, you can just pleasantly move away.

4. Don’t accept her invitation. She had the good sense to tell you that she’d invited Jim, so she probably won’t be surprised or upset that you’re bowing out. Thank her for inviting you, extend your regrets for missing the event, and tell her you look forward to seeing her on another occasion.

Hence, today’s Office Hours question: What would you do under these circumstances?

Robert Reich is a professor of public policy at Berkeley and former secretary of labor. His writings can be found at https://robertreich.substack.com/.

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