Christian activist plans to sue NFL for $867 trillion because Shakira and J-Lo performances endangered his eternal soul

The halftime show at this year’s Super Bowl, featuring Shakira and Jennifer Lopez dancing in daring outfits onstage, drew fury from right-wing Christians — as two middle-aged women of color showing skin is apparently more shameful to them than the president of the United States bragging about assaulting women.

But according to Right Wing Watch, one Christian activist, Dave Daubenmire, is taking things even further. On his “Pass the Salt” podcast, Daubenmire said that he plans to sue the National Football League because the halftime show threatens to prevent him “from getting into the kingdom of Heaven.”

“I think we ought to sue,” said Daubenmire. “Would that halftime show, would that have been rated PG? Were there any warnings that your 12-year-old son—whose hormones are just starting to operate – was there any warning that what he was going to see might cause him to get sexually excited?”

“Could I go into a courtroom and say, ‘Viewing what you put on that screen put me in danger of hellfire’?” he continued. “Could the court say, ‘That doesn’t apply here because the right to [produce] porn overrides your right to [not] watch it’? Yeah, well, you didn’t tell me I was gonna watch it! You just brought it into my living room. You didn’t tell me there were gonna be crotch shots! That’s discriminatory against the value I have in my house. You can’t just do that. I wanna sue them for about $867 trillion.”

In addition to its raciness, the halftime performance has also generated buzz for its possibly political undertones, with Lopez and her daughter uniting from within a device that resembled a cage — theorized to be a reference to President Donald Trump’s family separation policy.