5 Insane Right-Wing Moments This Week: Sarah Palin Invents Bizarre Nickname for Trump

Where does one begin when a major party nominee comes out and tells Californians that the drought they have been experiencing for several years does not exist? One place is with the woman who, if she did not start the march toward our current idiocracy, greatly accelerated it and continues to pour gasoline on its tinder pile. Sarah Palin was making the rounds for Trump this week, warming up the crowds, spewing what can only be described as some of the most moronic batsh*t the world has ever heard, with the possible exception of words uttered by the man himself.

Here are five absurdly evil moments from the rightward flank this week.

1. Sarah Palin says a series of insane things, so vote for her boy Trump!

Sarah Palin showed up in San Diego to give a series of bizarre and borderline incoherent speeches on behalf of Donald Trump. In these speeches, she dubbed Trump the “golden wrecking ball,” which she apparently thinks is a good thing.

Tossing a word salad as only she can, Palin said Trump is now “we the people’s nominee.”

Yeehah!

To drive her point home, she added, “Suck it up, cupcake!”—whoever cupcake might be.

More spoken word poetry from Palin:

“Trump came roaring in through this primary, and he blew the lid off the corrupted and corroded machine. He was like a golden wrecking ball. He wrecked what needed to be wrecked in order to shine light on the shenanigans, in order to allow us to rebuild because, see, Trump builds things. He builds big things. And with optimism. And with common sense. He solves problems!”

The speech led the folks on Morning Joe to wonder if Palin had taken “some bad acid.”

Proving once again that she is not merely laughable but deeply disgusting, in another speech in San Diego warming up for Trump, Palin criticized President Obama for going to Hiroshima this week, calling his visit an “apology lap.”

“You mess with our freedom,” Palin bellowed, “we’ll put a boot in your ass. It’s the American way.”

The crowd lapped it up, chanting, “USA! USA! USA!”

Oh please, shut the fuck up, Sarah Palin.

2. Trump takes denial of reality to new high (or is it a low?)

“There is no drought,” Donald Trump told Californians, exhibiting the sort of in-your-face, full-frontal, reality-be-damned leadership that would surely be the hallmark of a Trump administration.

There is no drought, because I said there is no drought, the logic went.

If there is a water problem, he continued, it’s because someone, uh, closed the water. Yeah, that’s it. They closed it. Perhaps the same people who are perpetrating the climate change hoax.

“We’re going to solve your water problem,” Trump assured Californians in Fresno. “You have a water problem that is so insane.”

How will Trump solve this “insane” water problem? He will turn the water on. Simple as that.

“If I win, believe me, we’re going to start opening up the water so that you can have your farmers survive," Trump said.

And with that, the magical emperor gained thousands more votes.

3. Pharma Bro endorses Trump, then shows a rare moment of self knowledge.

Indicted pharma bro Martin Shkreli seemed to have a little Twitter argument with himself this week.

In one tweet, he apparently endorsed reality TV bro Donald Trump, incisively stating: “All you people who don't like Trump are jealous, stupid and poor! don't make me laugh!"

After that pearl of wisdom, this human mound of toejam admitted: “What do I know about politics? How could I be in a position to give a meaningful endorsement to anyone? I am an investor/entrepreneur.”

Just to clarify, an investor/entrepreneur who has been indicted for securities fraud.

After a few more incoherent admissions that he knows nothing about politics, but boy can he pick stocks, Shkreli began to feel sorry for himself. The ensuing tweetstorm to his Trump endorsement “makes me want to quit the Internet,” he tweeted. “Goodbye, cruel e-world. It is too dangerous.”

Can anyone make heads or tails out of this walking personality disorder?

4. Is this the stupidest Fox Newsian of all?

There is huge, huuuuuuge, competition in the race for stupidest Fox Newsian of all. But now that Andrea “America is awesome” Tantaros has been sidelined, another contender appears to be leading the idiot pack: Kimberly Guilfoyle.

While Guilfoyle regularly spews a variety of nonsensical drivel, she managed to up her own considerable ante this week when she argued, wait for it, that when Donald Trump dubs Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas” in their ongoing Twitter feud, it actually can be seen as a compliment. “I said I wanted to be Pocahontas one time,” Guilfoyle reasoned this week in a telecast, bizarrely bringing up her own, one hopes, childhood to make her case. “I get the way he’s saying it,” she bravely persevered, “but I think ‘Pocahontas’ is quite complimentary when you think about it.”

Well, no, Kimberly, when you think about it, even for a millisecond, it is entirely offensive and not at all a compliment, and saying so is simultaneously nuts and offensive, for starters because it conflates all Native Americans into one stereotypical persona (based on an actual historical figure) popularized by a Disney movie.

Trump loves to ridicule the fact that Warren’s great-great-great grandmother was Native American, and that Warren is 1/32 Cherokee. He will also likely never ever tire of making this hilarious joke. He likes to call her “Goofy Elizabeth,” which Guilfoyle has yet to defend as “quite complimentary when you think about it,” but stay tuned. It’s quite possible that maybe Guilfoyle longed to be Disney character Goofy when she was young.

5. Marco Rubio really is a total sad sack of a man, just as we knew he was.

Marco Rubio, who also earned some insulting nicknames during his ill-fated quest for the presidency, completely caved to the man who repeatedly called him “Little Marco” this week. Despite once having made the direst possible warnings about the dangers of Donald Trump’s candidacy, and helping to popularize the woefully ineffective #NeverTrump hashtag, Rubio announced this week that he’ll be at the Republican convention this summer, and will speak on Trump’s behalf. He wants to be “helpful,” he said, rather pathetically.

Perhaps what he meant to say was “relevant,” or possibly "employed," but details, details.

The person he now longs to be helpful to is one he once passionately warned would usher in an era of “chaos” and “anarchy,” who in effect gave license to people to be violent. “This is a man who in rallies has told his supporters to basically beat up the people in the crowd and he’ll pay their legal fees,” Rubio implored, accurately in this case.

But never mind all that. He was just, uh, kidding?

And the beat goes on.