As Giuliani hunts for 'CrowdStrike' conspiracies, House Republicans keep hiring the firm

As Giuliani hunts for 'CrowdStrike' conspiracies, House Republicans keep hiring the firm
Rudy Giuliani image via MSNBC

As his associates get swept up in airport arrests for, you know, doing crimes, Donald Trump "lawyer" Rudy Giuliani is still scrambling to produce evidence for a conspiracy theory that (as best we can tell) it was actually cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike that hacked the Democratic National Committee servers during the 2016 election, not Vladimir Putin's Russia. Or, rather, they faked the hacking, and then hid a computer in Ukraine(?) that would somehow prove(?) this, and also there are too many states nowadays and we tied onions to our belts which was the style at the time and boy howdy, does it all get very stupid very, very fast.

Investigating this inanity is a portion of what Donald J. Trump and his assorted rabble were demanding of an at-war Ukraine while withholding military aid from the nation, which is why Donald J. Trump is currently facing an impeachment inquiry in the House of Representatives, threatening to bring down his presidency and an increasingly large chunk of the Republican establishment, to boot. That is how vital Team Trump considered this theory of theirs, that CrowdStrike—not Putin—was the secret mastermind behind 2016 election hacking. It was determined that it was so important to get to the bottom of this that it was worth whatever deaths a delay in the aid might result in; it was so absolutely urgent that, in fact, whether an at-war ally fell to opposing forces while these theories were hashed out was considered a reasonable risk.

According to this theory, mind you, CrowdStrike would be one of the most devious actors on the world stage today. They would be in cahoots with Democrats, staggeringly corrupt, have skills mind-bendingly above those of even the nation’s own intelligence professionals, and nonetheless have a weird penchant for hiding physical Evidence of Our Crimes computers in eastern Europe. They would be, in fact, supervillains.

Today, however, The Washington Post reports that House Republicans are still using CrowdStrike as the cybersecurity team for their very own campaign arm.

Yes, the very House Republicans currently defending Trump from impeachment.

An impeachment brought about by Trump demanding a foreign nation help prop up a conspiracy theory in which their own continued cybersecurity advisers are, in fact, secretly working for Democrats, and are so masterful at it that they were able to fool even the FBI, the CIA, and security experts in this nation and throughout the world.


Hey, here's a thought: I am beginning to suspect that House Republicans know full well that their own leader and pundits and ex-presidential-candidate-superlawyer are lying through their teeth about all of this Russia-defending, Clinton-blaming, onion-tying nonsense. And they Do. Not. Care.

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