Watch: Stephen Colbert Imagines How Those Late-Night Calls Between Donald Trump and Sean Hannity Play Out
President Donald Trump and Fox News' biggest star, Sean Hannity, frequently partake in pillow talk, according to an instantly-viral story published by New York magazine earlier this week – itself released just before bedtime on Sunday. The pair's not-so-secret bromance is reportedly maintained by virtue of late-night phone calls, which routinely hit the White House switchboard after Hannity's 9 p.m. ET broadcast wraps. Albeit the duo is said to be be known to chat "multiple" times a day.
The magazine's Olivia Nuzzi elaborates in her reporting:
Hannity admits to advising Trump, but on the air, he’s repeatedly mocked suggestions that he functions as an unofficial chief of staff and criticized the “fake-news media” for not bothering to reach out to him for the truth (a spokesperson for Fox News declined multiple interview requests for this article on Hannity’s behalf). More than any other figure of the right-wing infosphere, Hannity has behaved as if he were an extension of the Trump communications department, his daily stream of assertions serving to prop up Trump and, in real time, define what Trumpism is supposed to be.
On the phone, he and the president alternate between the “witch hunt!” and gabbing like old girlfriends about media gossip and whose show sucks and who’s getting killed in the ratings and who’s winning (Hannity, and therefore Trump) and sports and Kanye West, all of it sprinkled with a staccato f**k … f**king … f**ked … f**ker. “He’s not a systematic thinker at all. He’s not an ideologue,” one person who knows both men said of Hannity. “He gives tactical advice versus strategic advice.”
Obviously, these revelations did not go unnoticed by the current king of late night, Stephen Colbert. On Wednesday's broadcast of "The Late Show," Colbert's team claimed to have obtained "exclusive audio" of one of these already infamous Trump-Hannity conversations.
We have exclusive audio from one of Donald Trump and Sean Hannity’s late-night phone calls. #LSSC https://t.co/OICccgGbD9— A Late Show (@A Late Show)1526441881.0
While the heavily-edited conversation turned out to be nothing more than "fake news," the piercing satire did offer a humorous recreation of how many Americans might imagine these conversations between Hannity and Trump actually playing out. To Trump, who values loyalty and constantly seeks praise, there were not one – but three – separate "I love you's" offered up by Hannity.
Here is how the audio, as rolled by "The Late Show," played out:
Hannity: "Mr. Trump, how are you sir?"
Trump: "Hi, Sean. Where are you? What are you doing?"
Hannity: "Talking to you."
Trump: "I've been watching you."
Hannity: "Thank you, as always."
Trump: "So beautiful."
Hannity: "Listen, I love you."
Trump: "I love you, too."
Hannity: "I love you to death."
Trump: "You like me, and I like you."
Hannity: "I love you."
Trump: "I just wanted to say, hello. How's the weather?"
Trump: "Now we can talk about Putin."
Hannity: "What a great guy!"
Trump: "I think I'm better looking than he is."
Hannity: "I don't think many can disagree."
Trump: "You know, I've lost a lot of weight."
Hannity: "What's your favorite workout?"
Trump: "Hamburger and pasta and french fries. Steak."
Hannity: "What's your favorite steak?"
Hannity: "Nailed it."
Want to hear the whole "tape" for yourself? You can watch the full segment from "The Late Show" right here: