Samantha Bee Hilariously and Chillingly Sums Up Trump's Week Two
"Full Frontal" host Samantha Bee began her recap of President Trump's second week in office by pointing out that Trump's firing of acting attorney general Sally Yates wasn't actually that unusual.
"Trump had every right to can Yates," Bee assessed after reading Trump's press release. "She knew her statement would get her fired, just like most women expect to get fired upon publicly speaking their minds."
However, "it was the language of her firing that sent a chill down people's spines," she noted.
"Acting attorney general Sally Yates has betrayed the Department of Justice by refusing to enforce a legal order designed to protect the citizens of the United States," read the press release.
"And using the word betrayed for somebody is frightening. That's what an autocrat would use," the host said. "I mean, it is a perfectly reasonable word if you're naming a Meredith Baxter TV movie. Just not when you're making staffing decisions in a republic."
Trump loves loyalty more than almost anything, and while this may seem practical, his behavior is more akin to a high school drama.
"Remember on 'Gilmore Girls' when Paris Geller staffed the school newspaper with her most loyal friends, with no regard for talent level?It's like that, but with the leader of the free world, and nukes," said Bee.
"More than experience, knowledge, or the ability to do a credible Paso Doble, the one quality that has mattered for Trump's hires is how quickly they can say yes to him," Bee hammered before giving Trump's cabinet picks a scathing takedown.
"Reince Priebus gave him the RNC mailing list, Jeff Sessions gave him enthusiastic early support, and some great ideas about how to be racist within the letter of the law. Steve Bannon gave him enough deplorables to win an election... Ben Carson gave him a black friend, and plausible deniability for whatever he's up to with Jeff Sessions," Bee explained.
Additionally, Steve Mnuchin, Andrew Puzder, Linda McMahon and Wilbur Ross all gave Trump money and have since been nominated to serve, despite their lack of qualifications.
"There was a lot of money. But you get the point. If you disagree with the tenets of Trumpism, there is no place for you in the federal government," Bee warned.
And while it took Richard Nixon three years to compile his enemies list, "In less than two weeks, Trump team has already called the media the opposition party, fired an acting attorney general, pressured the chief of Customs and Border Patrol into resigning, purged the State Department of seasoned career diplomats, kicked the Director of National Intelligence and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs off the National Security Council, replaced them with some crazy dude he trusts, because why not? And accused Lindsey Graham and John McCain, the proprietors of the 66 remaining vertebrae among Senate Republicans, of trying to start World War III," she rattled off.
"Sorry, guys," she lamented. "At the rate Trump's going, you'll probably have to settle for starting World War IV."