Self-Deification: All the Perks of Self-Confidence, Without All the Hard Work
Self-deification is fun, liberating and easy. You don't have to be smart to do it. In fact, it's easier if you're not smart. It's fun because it makes you feel omniscient. It's liberating because it gives you an excuse for ignoring all the complications of life. It's easy because there are only three steps to self-deification and none of them require any thinking or learning.
- Have a revelation! "Wake up" to some universal truth, a formula for being right always. It doesn't really matter which revelation, so just grab one. It could be spiritual, philosophical or religious. The best revelations reveal that the people who have it are like gods, in possession of a truth so important that it is their moral obligation to attack and defeat everyone who disagrees with it. There are lots of those kinds of revelations to choose from!
- Embrace your revelation! Feel it. Absorb it. Love it. Promote it, not for the revelation's sake though that's good, too. No, do to give yourself the impression that you have absorbed it completely. Squeeze that revelation so hard that you feel like have become as one with it. You are the revelation incarnate!
- Trust your gut from now on! Having absorbed the revelation, you're now perfect, omniscient, nothing more to learn ever. You don't even have to consult the revelation since you already embody it. From now on you can you can say and do anything. You may not be omnipotent yet, but you should be, you god. And anyone who attacks you for what you do and say is attacking the sacred revelation you already embody perfectly. Therefore it's your moral duty to attack and defeat them. Escalate freely. The bigger their challenge, the more vicious your attack. You are on a crusade because you have seen the light!
Now that you’re a deity, here’s all there is to defeating everyone who is not on your side. It’s the Self-Deification Formula and it’s easy:
- Say and do anything! After all, you’re a god. Everything you do from now on is for a good cause. You don’t even need to wonder about what that cause is, though if your old “conscience” ever comes back to haunt you, all you have to do is go back to the revelation, not for a refresher course, of course since you have absorbed it completely already. No just for a pep talk about why it’s right. Most revelations offer tons of things for you to read and watch, written by deities like you, to remind you why you’re right and everyone who disagrees with you is a jerk. So if you ever need a booster shot to chase that old conscience away.
- Be the supreme and final judge who decides who’s right in every debate you enter: After all, you are god, now, so have no other god higher than you. And if you happen to choose a revelation about god, know that you don’t have to worry about him judging you. You’ve embraced him. He’s on your side in every debate, so be his voice! You’re the judge of who’s right and who’s wrong, and can you guess who’s right always? That’s right, you are!
- Be like rubber: Whatever they say about you, say it about them early and often. If they say you’re arrogant, don’t even think about it. Just say “No, you are. I’m the most unarrogant person ever.” It’s a formula. Don’t even think about what the word is that they level at you. If it’s bad, it’s true of them and not you. So it’s simpler even than Mad Libs, since they supply the word. If they say you should stop being so X, all you have to do is say, “No, you stop being X. I’m never X. I’m the least X of anyone in the world.
See? Simple. So simple any idiot can self-deify.
Try self-deification today! You'll be glad you did, at least in the short run. Others won't be glad, but that just means you're right and they're wrong.
By the way, self-deification is the perfect antidote for feeling inadequate. It's much simpler than learning or growing. Don’t improve; prove! Prove you’re a god! Join the millions of other satisfied self-deifiers. They don't all agree with you, but they all agree on one thing. Self-deification is great and they should know. Like you, they're always right!