Samantha Bee Finds the Perfect Metaphor for Trump's Thin-Skinned Response to Tiny Inauguration Crowd
Last Saturday, "Full Frontal" host Samantha Bee joined half a million friends on a historic "walk" otherwise known as the Women's March.
"Going to the Women's March was like waking up from a nightmare to find that the monster was real, but all your friends were there with sticks and torches and unflattering hats to beat back the darkness," Bee mused. "If only we'd known sooner that all you have do to get white women to show up to a protest is to give them a craft."
On the other hand, the excitement over the "pussy-hatted" parade was fairly partisan.
"People put a lot of effort into getting to a march, while others put a lot of effort into not understanding why people were marching," Bee remarked "There were 'sister' marches from coast to coast, and if you watch Fox, nowhere in between."
From Washington D.C. to Park City, Utah; from St. Louis to Antarctica, women marched, dominating the news cycle and crushing Trump's "exquisitely tender ego."
According to crowd scientists, President Trump's inauguration was just a third as large as the Women's March in Washington the next day. Naturally, President Trump to leapt to the defense.
"We had a massive field of people [at inauguration], you saw that, packed," Trump announced Saturday at the CIA headquarters.
"Oh, Jesus, f*ck, let it go already!" Bee exclaimed, before offering a perfect metaphor for the scene. "There was so much empty space, it's amazing no one declared 'Manifest Destiny' on the uncolonized end of the National Mall. It would have been a fitting kick-off to a second Jackson administration."
Still, even after all this time Bee couldn't help but wonder why Trump was bragging so inappropriately his first full day in office.
"You are at a memorial for agents who gave their lives for this country," she said of Trump. "What is the matter with you?!"
The "Full Frontal" host also took aim at new press secretary Sean Spicer, who admitted Monday, after openly lying about Trump's crowd size, "It's just unbelievably frustrating when you're continually told it's not big enough."
It was a surprising moment of honesty, deserving of all the mock empathy Bee could muster.
"Shhh, I know honey, I know," Bee said in response. "But if one unsatisfied woman makes you feel sad, I got some bad news for you."