Samantha Bee Nails Kellyanne Conway as the 'Soulless Machiavellian Despot America Deserves'
"Full Frontal" host Samantha Bee dedicated her January 18 episode to a woman in politics far more deserving of the presidency than Donald Trump. No, not Hillary Clinton; Rather, the woman who got Trump elected.
"Tonight we want to celebrate a truly special female woman—Donald Trump's omnipresent spokes cobra, Kellyanne Conway," Bee opened. "Or as Fox News calls her--'The first woman to run a winning presidential campaign in the history of this country.'"
"Jesus, Fox, stop ramming your feminist identity politics down America's throats," Bee joked after playing several segments from the network highlighting this fact.
But, unfortunately for liberals and human beings in general, this time Fox is right.
"Kellyanne did turn Trump's upended porta-potty of a campaign around and get him elected, pretty much single-handedly, while raising four children and probably being interrupted every three minutes by the alpha-bro jockstraps Trump likes to surround himself with," Bee noted."She is f*cking amazing at her job, and she deserves credit."
But the celebration of the "pussy-grabber enabler" has been decidedly partisan thus far.
"It's so unfair," Bee mocked. "A woman pulls off the historic feat of electing a sexual predator who thinks women should be punished for having abortions, and feminists don't celebrate her with a Vogue cover."
Following the fallout from actress Meryl Streep's speech on Trump at the Golden Globes, Conway urged CNN's Chris Cuomo to look into Trump's heart, rather than his actual words.
"Kellyanne doesn't believe anything in her heart," Bee quipped after playing a highlight reel of sexist and homophobic remarks made by Conway. “She will say literally anything."
Bee then turned to Conway's spin mastery, a major component of electing Trump.
"I'd like to see [Donald Trump's tax returns] be transparent," Conway said in an ABC News interview, months before being hired by Trump. "He says he's for the little guy, but he's actually built a lot of his business on the backs of the little guy, through not paying contractors, victims of Trump University, victims of Trump in Atlantic City."
And as a Cruz supporter, Conway firmly stated that Trump "Insulting [his opponent] as ]'Lying Ted'... was fairly unpresidential."
However, shortly after Trump won the election, Conway concluded that anything Trump does is presidential behavior.
"By that standard, presidential behavior also includes owning slaves, nailing interns, vomiting on foreign leaders, and whipping your shlong out to White House staffers-- all of which President Trump will likely do," Bee remarked, drawing on less-than-presidential behavior from both sides of the aisle.
Yet, "Kellyanne's true superpower is deflecting questions like Supergirl deflects bullets," Bee noted. In a recent ABC News interview, Conway refused to discuss Trump's tweeting after several exasperated attempts made by host George Stephanopoulos.
Finally, the "sentient pocket square" thanked Conway despite receiving no answers.
“Why the hell is [Trump} the president instead of her?" Bee wondered. "Kellyanne is the soulless Machiavellian despot America deserves!”