Trevor Noah Has Brilliant Suggestion for Standing Rock: Maybe This Time the White People Could Move
"Daily Show" host Trevor Noah has an announcement on behalf of the Dakota Access Pipeline protesters at the Standing Rock Reservation.
"Native Americans were super friendly," Noah began the segment. "They're like, 'Hey, I'm not actually Indian, but I don't want to embarrass him in front of all of his ships,'" he joked, drawing on Christopher Columbus' imfamous mistake. "I'll tell him later, what's the worst that could happen?"
Of course, it was Columbus' cluelessness that set a dangerous precedent for centuries to come.
"As you may have heard, since April of this year, Native Americans in North Dakota have been protesting over the Dakota Access Pipeline," Noah announced, noting that the pipeline project is a clear perpetuation of the U.S. screwing over Native Americans.
"The land is sacred to them and it's their land," Noah explained.
Protesters are also worried about the oil pipe leaking and contaminating their main water source.
"It's hella disrespectful to lay pipe in someone else's yard," Noah pointed out.
The protesters have been facing small armies of highly militarizedpolice departments and have “endured dog attacks, tear gas, water cannons and Jill Stein" Noah explained, before blasting Kelcy Warren, the CEO behind the Dakota Access Pipeline. Noah then noted that the pipeline was actually originally positioned at Bismarck, which is 90% white, but then rerouted to the Standing Rock Reservation.
“This is pipeline is N-S-F-W: not safe for whites,” Noah joked. “I joke, but I don’t think it’s racial. It’s a numbers thing. More people live near Bismarck. If the pipeline is rooted there, it would have passed closer to more homes and needed to cross water sources more times. And because we love fossil fuels, the fact is the pipe has to go somewhere. What are we going to do? Just not use oil? Come on, that’s just…possible.”
Noah then issued an important plea to the country largely ignoring the issues at Standing Rock:
"Look, America has spent centuries moving native people’s from place to place. Maybe just this one time you can be the ones who move.”