Garrison Keillor: Maybe God Put 'Idiot' Trump and His 'Clueless Children' in Charge to Test Us All
Responding to Trump fans who have taken the time to write him profane letters, author and commentator Garrison Keillor conceded that the election of Donald Trump might indeed be part of God’s plan to test us all — because it seems like the kind of thing God would do.
Writing for the Hartford Courant, the puckish commentator addressed the “Trumpists” who celebrated their man’s win and admitted that he was “impressed by the sheer variety of their profanity.”
“It’s not good form to curse at someone you’ve just defeated,” Keillor wrote. “That is why the president-elect made it clear he would not be waterboarding Hillary or sending her back to Mexico. He was gracious in victory and said the Clintons are ‘good people.’ Several of his biggest applause lines seem to have been put back in the box. And his base is faced with the possibility that they may have elected a Manchurian. They know that he was a Democrat for most of his life and that the sight of Adam and Steve holding hands does not fill him with loathing.”
Having said all that, after admitting that his parents were “evangelical Christians who refrained from voting on the assumption that the Lord was in charge,” the commentator looked at the promise of four years of Trump and suggested that maybe his parents were right.
“Maybe God did choose this bloated narcissist and compulsive liar and con man to be president, and maybe He will send a couple of Corinthians to light his pathway,” he wrote. “It does seem like the very thing God might do. Put an idiot in charge and cluster his clueless children around him and a coterie of old hacks and opportunists and thereby teach us haughty journalists a lesson. God made Balaam’s donkey open its mouth and say, ‘Quit hitting me, stupid.’ And if He could do that, He could make this moose a halfway decent president.”
As for his swearing detractors, a generous Keillor wrote, “Blessings on all who cursed me. May you thrive and prosper. I hope you have not cursed your children.”