5 Looniest Right-Wing Moments This Week: The Crazier Trump Gets, the Crazier His Cloned Pals Giuliani and Hannity Become

Vile and relentless nuttery has been gushing forth all week from the Trumpoverse, and especially from Trump himself. Humiliation at the hands of a woman at the first presidential debate has had the desired effect, and a legion of crazies has taken to the airwaves claiming that their nonsense-sputtering leader actually won the round. Reality would suggest otherwise. In fact, a trio of women have humiliated Trump this week; first Hillary Clinton, then Alicia Machado, the former Miss Universe Trump has repeatedly attempted to smear; and finally Elizabeth Warren, who helpfully pointed out that Trump’s 3a.m. tweetstorms seldom (okay never) concern themselves with how to help workers, students or seniors, or otherwise “make America great again.”

Let us try to pin down some of the more ridiculous moments in this cascading sh*t storm.

1. Eric Trump appears to be disoriented; he might need to lie down.

You really have to wonder, as Lawrence O’Donnell did earlier in the week, what kind of weird bubble the adult Trump children still live in. The answer would seem to be, a bubble inflated and held aloft by their infantile narcissistic father’s incessant hot air. In Eric Trump’s case, all that hot air appeared to have an extremely disorienting effect. How else to explain his comment following his father’s Monday night walloping that he was proud of his dad? For what, exactly? For not sh*tting himself on national television? For not drooling despite spewing mostly incoherent gibberish in front of millions of Americans?

No, it was that little thing his dad said after the debate, having been generously granted still more air time by virtually every network for repeated interviews and spin (otherwise known as free advertising). Immediately post-debate, Trump bragged about what he did not say, what he really could have said, but didn’t because he’s such a standup guy, such a gentleman. Trump brought up Bill Clinton’s affairs, while saying he did not bring them up. Perhaps the extreme urge to blurt this out, and the remarkable self-restraint Trump exhibited in not doing so was what short-circuited his brain. That would explain the weird sniffs, noises and incomplete thoughts he emitted throughout the night. We don’t know. Some people are saying it might have been the cause. Sad.

Eric’s comment to an Iowa radio host the next day? "I'm really proud of him for doing that, and I think a lot of people recognize that. I mean, a lot of people came up to me, including many of the media, saying, 'Listen, he could've just crushed her on that last question and he probably would've hurt a family if he did.'”

No, Trump never hurts a family. Just ask the Khans.

"I think that took a lot of courage in so many regards,” Eric continued, using the word “courage,” to put it charitably, in a headscratching way. “I think he really answered that well and took the high ground and kept the high road."

Eric must have been especially proud of that high road his father bravely plodded for the rest of the week. Maybe even verklempt. Kvelling.

Hoo boy. In this crazy family, where the children helicopter around their deranged father, it seems that everyone’s brain has become, well, skittled.

2. Rudy Giuliani also shows tremendous bravery.

Self-proclaimed September 11 war hero Rudy Giuliani—who sometimes forgets when 9/11 happened because there were no terrorist incidents before Obama took office, remember?—may have inhaled too much toxic dust when the towers fell. He now spews forth a poisonous cloud of words every time he opens his mouth.

Let us just review Rudy’s all-star week spent sucking up Trump’s fumes:

  • Immediately following the debate, Giuliani was the first to float the idea that Trump should skip the rest of the debates. Why? Because Trump blew it so badly, and his gnat-like attention span prevents him from actually preparing? No, because it was rigged! Lester Holt was so unfair when he corrected Trump a few times on his lies! (Especially when Holt pointed out to Trump that the police practice he and Giuliani so love, stop-and-frisk, is unconstitutional and racist.)
  • Later in the week, Giuliani joined the fray in criticizing Bill Clinton’s extramarital affairs, because that’s just extremely relevant to Hillary Clinton’s candidacy and Giuliani has always been an exemplary husband and father. Because he cares so much about women and children, Giuliani helpfully pointed out how “stupid” Hillary is to have stayed with Bill. In the same dizzying spew, Giuliani called Trump a “feminist” for hiring women (even if he fat-shames them and fires them for not being attractive enough). He also claimed Bill Clinton “violated” Monica Lewinsky, and as a former prosecutor, isn’t he supposed to know that’s not the case?
  • By the end of the week, Giuliani decided it was appropriate to make racist, anti-immigrant remarks and insult Mexicans working in the kitchen at the Waldorf Astoria during a black tie event there, even managing to offend the various business leaders assembled. Red-faced, the head of the Commercial Finance Association, obviously a left-wing organization, was forced to issue a formal apology to attendees.  

Diagnosis: After far too much time spent in Trump country, the bile has finally eaten all the way through Giuliani’s brain.  

3. Sean Hannity predicts the apolcalypse.

Trump towel boy Sean Hannity gleefully helped with the stepped-up attacks on Alicia Machado, the former Miss Universe Trump has repeatedly insulted for her body type and her ethnicity this week. Anything for the Don, who after all Hannity has known and loved ever since the two of them bravely brought birtherism into the mainstream. When Trump had to catch some winks after wee-hour tweet attacks, Hannity was more than happy to lend a helping hand by repeating false rumors that Machado has been in porn movies.

He also repeatedly claimed, against all the evidence, that Trump won the debate, but by the end of the week, Sean-ity was panicking. What had gone wrong? Trump’s poll numbers were trending down. Really? People don’t like men who fat-shame and falsely smear women?

“I don’t know how people are going to end up voting. I don’t have a clue who is going to win in 39 days,” Hannity said to his co-host, his voice rising in panic.

“I’ve tried to warn the country about Obama. I tried. Didn’t I try? I gave it everything. I gave it so much that people who love me—my friends said I was dead, I was ruining my career, but I didn’t care, and I know I’m out on a limb here, but I don’t care because it’s the right thing to do. You have a choice. America lives or dies in 39 days. That’s how I look at it.”

It’s the apocalypse, when white men can’t even bully women and all people of color, all right.

4. Brit Hume brilliantly caricatures himself.

Brit Hume has spent the past year incisively commenting on whether or not Hillary Clinton smiles enough or has a pleasant enough voice. When he is not commenting on her appearance, sartorial choices and cadence, he is complaining about how unfair it is that people keep accusing him of being sexist when he does so. He’s having a really hard year, guys.

Still, he bravely commented after Clinton’s bravura debate performance, during which she gleefully wiped the floor with Trump's orange, sweat-filled brow. In Hume's view, Clinton was "composed, smug sometimes, not necessarily attractive."

WTF does that even mean, "not necessarily attractive"? Too much smiling, apparently.

On Tuesday, he tried to clarify what he meant by redefining the word attractive: "I was just talking about demeanor,” he said on the air. “We are not yet living in a society where a female candidate’s demeanor cannot be criticized. We’re just not there yet, but at the rate we’re going we may get there."

Again, WTF? Is he trying to imply that he wants us to live in a time when women are not criticized for how they look? How in the world would he make a living?

5. Trump asked non-Christians in a rally to self-identify.

While campaigning in Iowa this week, Trump said some seriously scary things that would have been plastered all over the news if he had not said all the other insane shit he said. While the mainstream media decided to take the bait and talk again about Bill Clinton's infidelities and Monica Lewinsky, Trump asked non-Christians in a rally crowd to identify themselves, then asked the rest of the crowd if maybe they should be kicked out.

"We have our Christian Conservatives for Trump and they're in the room," he said. Let's go!"

The crowd obeyed, whooped and hollered and raised signs that said, "Christian Conservatives for Trump." 

"That's what we want. That's beautiful," Trump said. “Raise your hand if you’re not a Christian conservative,” he then told the crowd. “I want to see this, right? Oh there’s a couple people, that’s all right.”

“I think we’ll keep them, right?” Trump baited the crowd. “Should we keep them in the room, yes? I think so.”

We're officially terrified now.


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