John Oliver: 'Human Hemorrhoid' Trump's Scandals Should Outrage Everyone

Election '16

The first presidential debate is tonight and the stakes could not be higher. But will the program be a cool, calm, policy discussion or a mudslinging fest? Given that the 2016 presidential election has been the "electrical equivalent of seeing someone puking," as John Oliver sees it, he—along with millions of other Americans—doesn't have particularly high hopes.

After reminding the audience that the televised event could very well be a record breaker ("more than 100 million people") the "Last Week Tonight" host provided the public service of exploring the scandals that have plagued the two major party candidates, first offering a little historical perspective.

"Listen, we have had scandals during campaigns in the past from Barack Obama's financial dealings with Tony Rezko to George W. Bush's National Guard service to the revelation that Dwight D. Eisenhower's middle initial stood for 'Deez Nuts,'" Oliver joked. "But this campaign, the scandals have been so pronounced, polls show that less than half the electorate sees either candidate honest or trustworthy."

But Oliver is deeply sympathetic to apathetic Americans this election year. 

"You may not like either candidate for good reasons, but if you are still somehow torn about which ones to vote for and are factoring their scandals into your decision, we thought it might help to spend tonight walking you through them," Oliver said. 

The host began with Hillary Clinton, "the woman who if she loses will sit there motionless not speaking until she eventually dies." Oliver understands that discussing her scandals will endlessly irritate her supporters.

On the other hand, being "not as bad as Trump," the "wealthiest hemorrhoid" who lies a "whopping 53 percent" of the time, has nearly no financial transparency and who once admitted on national television that he wanted to date his daughter, is too low a bar to clear for anyone, any election year. 


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