Colbert Mercilessly Mocks Trump's Debate Performance With Some of His Most Stinging Quips Ever
The heavily anticipated first 2016 presidential debate did not disappoint. While the stakes were high for both candidates, Hillary Clinton seemed to manage the near impossible—beating Trump at his own game without sinking to his level. Still, there were times when voters weren't sure Trump wouldn't eviscerate her.
"Democrats have not been this nervous since Anthony Weiner asked to borrow their phone," "Late Show" host Stephen Colbert joked.
"The expectations for both sides were very different. For Hillary to win, she had to be confident, not smug, knowledgeable without being a know-it-all, charming but not affected, commanding but not shrill, likeable, warm, authoritative and not coughing," Colbert explained. "Meanwhile Donald Trump had to not commit murder."
Trump's preparation left a little to be desired, Colbert said.
"Instead of doing a bunch of mock debates, the word is that he sat down with friends over bacon cheeseburgers, hot dogs, glasses of Coca-Cola and tested out zingers," Colbert said.
"Wow! That's how I prepared for tonight's debate too. And he may not have been prepared, but it also looked like he didn't."
Colbert nicknamed Clinton "Preparation H... a compliment," he insisted.
So what did Trump do with more than an hour to himself? For one, the GOP nominee spent a good chunk of time rattling off a list of his greatest hits, beginning with "Mexico" and ending with "make America great again."
Colbert also made good fun of Trump's utter cluelessness on the topic of technology.
"Look at [Clinton's] website—you know what? She's telling us how to fight ISIS... on her website. I don't think General Douglas MacArthur would like that too much," Trump told moderator Lester Holt.
"Yeah, General Douglas MacArthur would be like, What is this website you have? And why is it asking me to donate $50 to a Hillary Clinton?" Colbert said in response.
On the other hand, Trump's solution to terrorism is more like "rebooting the Middle East."
"He knows a lot about cybering," Colbert commented, lamenting that Trump's advice is simply, "Has America tried unplugging terrorism and plugging it back in?"
Trump's answer on cyber warfare also sounded oddly similar to his answer on "nuclear," which Rolling Stone remarked last December, should have ended his campaign.
The GOP nominee's biggest mistake perhaps was lying about his own Twitter account when confronted by its posts. Trump did, in fact, call "climate change a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese," which Clinton gloriously nailed him on.
“There’s always the chance that that tweet was created by the Chinese to make Trump non-competitive,” Colbert said.
And as for Clinton's health? Well, one candidate appeared to be a little under the weather.
“Trump sounded like he was fighting off a cold with cocaine,” Colbert said. “He sounded like the coked-up best man in the bathroom at a wedding. He was like Scarface— but with more face."
Maybe it was just heartburn.