Rush Limbaugh and Other Right-Wingers Are Terrified of Lesbian Farmers

The Right Wing

Serious question: Do right-wingers hold some big, secret contest every month where they compete with each other to come up with the most batshit conspiracy theory? My money’s on yes, considering the newest insanely ridiculous, untrue and unbelievable thing they’re scaring themselves with. This new and totally out-of-touch-with-reality theory holds that President Obama is giving “lesbian and transgender hillbillies” money to move to rural areas, solely to ruin “real America.”

The paranoia seems to stem from the fact that the 15th annual Nationwide LGBT Rural Summit was held in Iowa. The event was co-sponsored by U.S. Secretary of Agriculture and Drake University Law School. Organizers stated the conference was created because “many LGBT people choose to live, work, and raise their families in rural areas,” and the gathering offered an opportunity “to highlight the unique needs of this community.”

But of course, theywould say that. Right wingers, the sharpest knives in the drawer, saw right through that smokescreen. According to Media Matters, conservative blog the College Fix was the first to get the fear train moving. First it questioned whether or not rural LGBT dwellers do have unique needs, then it took a grossly exaggerated guess at how much taxpayer money this was costing upstanding straight Americans based on a funding request from an entire program area. “It’s tough being gay and living in rural areas—or so says the U.S. Department of Agriculture,” the article smugly states. “It is unclear how much the program is costing U.S. taxpayers, although USDA’s Office of Civil Rights, which is coordinating the summits, requested $24.4 million in funding in its fiscal-year 2016 budget request.”

The conservative Washington Free Beacon also got in on the act, offering this description of the event, which takes some liberties on intent and focus. “The U.S. Department of Agriculture is holding summits to promote the role of lesbian farmers...The agency says it wants to change the perception of what it means to be a farmer in America away from the 'white, rich male'...The all-day summit will teach lesbian and transgender hillbillies how to get subsidies from the government like rural housing loans and ‘community facility grants.’ Bullying will also be discussed.”

That led Rush Limbaugh to launch a long tirade against the event, which, like a game of conservative telephone, had morphed into a sinister plan by a Kenyan Muslim to turn America’s heartland into a gay pride float.

“Have you heard the latest Democrat scam? Have you heard about the Agriculture Department's financial grants to lesbian farmers?” Limbaugh asked his listeners. “[T]he point of this is, folks, it's not about lesbian farmers. What they're trying to do is convince lesbians to become farmers.”

Here’s some more nonsense from Limbaugh, who is either off, or perhaps back on his meds.

"I'm telling you what they're doing. They are trying to bust up one of the last geographic conservative regions in the country, and that's rural America...

"Rural America is made up of self-reliant, rugged individual types. They happen to be big believers in the Second Amendment. So here comes the Obama regime with a bunch of federal money and they're waving it around, and all you gotta do to get it is be a lesbian and want to be a farmer and they'll set you up.

"I'm like you; I never before in my life knew that lesbians wanted to be farmers. I never knew that lesbians wanted to get behind the horse and the plow and start burrowing. I never knew it. But apparently enough money can make make it happen, and the objective here is to attack—they're already attacking suburbs, and that has been made perfectly clear by what happened in Milwaukee. And they're going after every geographic region that is known to be largely conservative. They never stop, folks. They are constantly on the march."

Sleep lightly, country conservatives. This is only the beginning. Liberals have our monthly meeting coming up soon, and we're gonna have to really put our heads together to come up with a new threat to real America that tops this one. Wish us luck! 

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