Jon Stewart Returns to Remind Republicans That This Country Doesn't Belong to Them

Jon Stewart returned to the anchor desk on Stephen Colbert’s "The Late Show" last night, which aired just after the close of the RNC, an event that reached its zenith with Donald Trump shouting himself hoarse about how America is on fire and all the white people are going to die. Donning a jacket and clip-on tie, Stewart eased into the segment by noting the spectacle that preceded it.


“Well the convention’s over,” the former "Daily Show" host began. “I thought Donald Trump was going to speak. Ivanka said he was going to come out. She said he was really compassionate and generous. But then this angry groundhog came out, and he just vomited on everybody for an hour.”

Noting that the Republican Party platform seems to rest on three principles (“1) jail your political opponent; 2) inject Rudy Giuliani with a speedball and Red Bull enema; 3) spend the rest of the time scaring the holy bejeezus out of everybody”), Stewart then wondered aloud how conservatives—who have spent the last eight years criticizing Obama for imaginary traits Donald Trump actually possesses in spades—would reconcile their obvious hypocrisy. In a series of clips of Faux Newsians discussing Obama the presidential candidate, Stewart recalled criticisms that Obama was politically inexperienced, divisive, authoritarian, and a raging narcissist.

You know. Things that perfectly describe Trump.

To understand how right-wing media will justify the choice of the Republican Party, Stewart focused on the loud mouthiest of the loudmouths, one Sean Hannity. Feigning an inability to remember that name, Stewart instead referred to him the whole time as “Lumpy.”

As you might expect, Stewart coasts easily through a series of clips of Hannity (er, Lumpy) talking trash about Obama for the exact same things Hannity has been praising Trump for lately. Seeing the faux outrage and BS indignation play out is all a bit much, inspiring Stewart to deliver a lengthy rant about what a load of crap fills Hannity and those of his ilk.

“Either Lumpy and his friends are lying about being bothered by thin-skinned, authoritarian, less-than-Christian readers of prompters being president. Or they don’t care, as long as it’s their thin-skinned, prompter, authoritarian narcissist. You just want that person to give you your country back. Because you feel that you are this country’s rightful owners. There’s only one problem with that. This country isn’t yours. You don’t own it. It never was. There is no real America. You don’t own it. You don’t own patriotism. You don’t own Christianity. You sure as hell don’t own respect for the bravery and sacrifice of military, police and firefighters. Trust me!”

He then called out right-wingers for doing nothing to aid the 9/11 first responders bill reauthorization, then suddenly pretending to care about "blue lives" when it suits their (anti-black and brown) agenda.

The rest includes Stewart recalling Steve King’s racist comments about white Americans vs. subgroups and basically telling Hannity (um, Lumpy) and the rest of the Trump embracers to STFU. Check it out below:

Oh, and here's Stewart appearing on the show early on, taking a moment to revel in Roger Ailes losing his job.

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