Hillary Clinton Says Women Will Make up Half Her Cabinet If Elected President

Election season is nothing but a series of empty promises from politicians who I suspect are drones bent on our destruction. But still, in lieu of the demonic Play-doh disguised as candidates Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, it’s refreshing to hear some of the sunny promises Bernie and Hillary serve us from their platters of hope (I still think they’re drones). In a recent statement Hillary Clinton says women will be half her cabinet if elected, a promise that feels way too straightforward and plausible to actually believe.

It was during an MSNBC town hall meeting that Clinton revealed her plan for an equal cabinet, saying, “Well, I am going to have a cabinet that looks like America, and 50 percent of America is women.” It sounds pretty fucking reasonable to me that the first female president would see to more gender equality in office. Sadly, in the scheme of American politics this promise is still as relatively radical as the idea that women should have control over their reproductive rights.

Hillary’s campaign manager John Podesta confirmed her intentions to bring more women into office, saying, “We’ll start with a broad list and then begin to narrow it. But there is no question that there will be women on that list.”


I’m hoping that Hillary’s promises to bring women into office will also include an honorary kill-list, in which each woman in office can pick at least one man in politics to legally murder. Can you imagine how much swift change would come about through that policy?! We all know that presidents themselves can’t do that much, but a fully empowered cabinet of high-ranked vigilantes could really get some shit done.

Clinton also said on Monday that she’d like to run alongside someone with ample military experience, because she claims we are facing “a complex, dangerous world,” But I know it’s really because she needs her drone batteries charged by a professional (I’m not sexist because I think Bernie is a drone too).

She finished by emphasizing her intentions to have a team with diverse perspectives:

“So whether it’s in a vice president or members of a cabinet or in the White House staff, I want as broad a set of experiences that I can possibly draw together. Because I’m someone who likes to listen to people who come at problems from different perspectives – even argue among themselves about it – because I think we get to a better solution, and that’d certainly be how I go about it.”

If it comes to this, I’m fine with listening to these promises for the next few years before the ocean explodes and sets my apartment on fire.

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