5 Right-Wing Absurdities This Week: Rand Paul Gets Unhinged About Bernie

1. There’s a reason Rand Paul has become completely irrelevant.

The fact that Rand Paul was once touted as the savior of the Republican Party does not speak well of either of them. But just to drive the point home that Paul is definitely not suited to play the role of level-headed grownup in the room, the Kentucky libertarian got a little hysterical this week about Bernie Sanders.

Just a tad.

The word “socialist” can do that to right-wing libertarian types, sending them into paroxysms of wild-eyed terror. On a conservative South Carolina radio show, Paul suggested that a Bernie Sanders presidency might set off “mass genocide.” In his view, that’s what happens when you try socialism. Apparently, he has never heard of Scandinavia, where genocide really hasn’t been a thing.

“It amazes me and it actually kind of scares me,” Paul told radio host Vince Coakley. “I think it’s not an accident of history that most of the times when socialism has been tried that attendant with that has been mass genocide of people or any of those who object to it. Stalin killed tens of millions of people. Mao killed tens of millions of people. Pol Pot killed tens of millions of people.”

Granted, Paul is not the only Republican who is confused about Sanders’ use of the word socialism, and certainly not the only one using ridiculous rhetoric to scare people to death. Texas state Rep. Jason Villalba compared Sanders to Hitler on Tuesday, later backing off, and going the other way to Stalin.

So clearly, we can expect a lot more of this nonsense.

2. Trump tries to have it both ways with healthcare.

Republican frontrunner Donald Trump (yes, still) is working on a healthcare plan to replace Obamacare and it’s the most beautiful, wonderful healthcare plan ever, because it is Donald Trump’s. It just is. Believe him. It’s a “great plan.” He was discussing this proposal in his usual vague, word-salady way this week with talk radio host Simon Conway, saying he would cut “great deals” with healthcare providers, because that is what he does. He cuts great deals.

The Donald, as the great president he so clearly is going to be, would cut such great deals that everyone would want to choose private insurance. And the rest would go to hospitals “because you make a deal with these hospitals so that they can’t rip off the country.”

So, that’s his fix. And by the way, this universal healthcare system is in no way socialism, “it’s just not,” he said, because he, the Great One, does not “put a label on it.”

There, fixed.

3. Huckabee. Just. Does. Not. Get. It. At. All.

Mr. Guns, Grits and Gravy hides a mighty racism behind that folksy style, but it sneaks out from time to time. Mike Huckabee won the award for most offensive, out-of-touch, clueless tweet during this week’s Democratic debate, hands down, when he said to his followers: “I trust @BernieSanders with my tax dollars like I trust A North Korean chef with my labrador!” #DemDebate

Oh, hahahahahahaha. The Huckster. Such a colorful way with words.

The backlash confused Huckabee. Or really, it did not confuse him, because absolutely nothing, no new information and certainly none of ‘dem newfangled, politically correct ideas, like it’s not such a good idea to repeat tired racist stereotypes, penetrate his skull.

So he followed up by thoroughly missing the point, and jabbing liberals, the favorite go-to sport for his ilk. "Poor liberals think it's racist to deplore a brutal dictatorship."

4. Fox Newsian Andrea Tantaros greatly saddened at prospect of restaurant workers making enough money to live.

Fox Newsian Andrea Tantaros is arguably their most reliable woman basher. Bashing your own non-male or non-white group is clearly the route to success on the network and Tantaros is riding that hard all the way to the top, baby.

But this week, another group she knows very well was on her mind. Restaurant workers. They’re so lazy.  She hates the suggestion that they should be paid more and not hustle for tips to make a living wage. She knows, because she grew up around the restaurant business. Her parents owned restaurants. And those workers hustled.

The ever-charming Jesse Watters, who enjoys chasing after poor people and telling them they are to blame for their problems because they have bad habits, was visiting the show "Outnumbered." He had this to say about tipping: “I like to be able to slap down a fat tip to impress the waitress. Don’t take that away from me. I like to be able to show off a little bit.”

So that’s an important point that ought to be taken into account in the whole debate.

Tantaros agreed service would suffer if the terrible fair wage trend “bleeds outside the restaurant chain of Danny Meyer,” the Manhattan restaurateur who announced this week that he would end tipping and raise wages at his multiple establishments.

But hey, Tantaros’ parents owned restaurants too, you know, and therefore it should be okay to underpay the staff because it worked for them!

5. Ann Coulter’s spectacular and just ridiculous fail.

We try really really hard not to talk about Ann Coulter, who clearly only exists for the purpose of saying relentlessly offensive things and selling books filled with those things. But sometimes she’s just a wee bit funny in her spectacular awfulness. And one of these unintentional moments occurred this week in a testy appearance on "The View," when Coulter claimed to be a Native American.

She was busy doing her thing, insulting Spanish-speaking people, and instructing Nicaragua-born Ana Navarro about how to pronounce Adios like a real American, though absolutely no one wants to do that. When Navarro asked whether Coulter’s family immigrated or were native to America, Coulter replied: “I am — I’m a settler. I’m descended from settlers, not immigrants.”

Oy gevalt, woman. How deluded are you? She proceeded to insult and bemoan immigration as a Democratic plot to get more votes and ruin the country.

They all hated her, even Raven-Symone, who has said a few hateful things herself lately. Hmmm, wonder why they invited her.

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