If Your Idea of Hell Is Sitting Next to Kate Moss on an EasyJet flight, You Must Be Dead Inside

I was just on an easyJet flight and they did not have the Serrano ham and flatbread sandwich that was advertised in the brochure as they only have it on certain routes! Can you imagine my outrage? I had to have a gin and tonic to get over my despair. Perhaps this is what set off Kate Moss too because, obviously, Kate and I have so much in common. Not the looks bit, clearly, but the unapologetic desire to have a good time.


Moss is on the front page of the Daily Mail today, for being “disruptive” on an easyJet flight. The shock is that a supermodel flies on a budget airline. What next? Brad, Angelina and their hordes of children in economy? Well, yes actually.

I did wonder, when I read this, what Moss was supposed to have done to be disruptive. Had she been disruptive like former Stone Roses singer Ian Brown, who threatened to cut off an air steward’s hands and banged on the flight deck door? He went to prison for this. Or disruptive like REM’s Peter Buck, who attempted to play a CD on the hostess trolley, sat next to a passenger and insisted she was his wife – she wasn’t – raided bottles from the galley after he had been told he couldn’t have any more booze and threw yoghurt over everyone? He was arrested, but got off because he had taken a sleeping pill. Was she disruptive likeConrad Hilton, brother of Paris, who recently locked himself in the loo to smoke marijuana and then went round screaming “I will fucking own anyone on this flight, they are fucking peasants.” Did Kate, like Gerard Depardieu, wee all over the carpet and delay a plane for two hours?

Just WHAT did the deranged monster that is Moss do? She had a few drinks and according to fellow passengers chatted a bit loudly to the family next to her and played “hairdressers with a young girl”. Dial 999! Alert the media, even though no one complained!

That’s what happened. Moss has form you see. Not at doing anything evil other than being funny, charming and liking a party, but being seen to be a bit drunk in public. She has also reportedly done cocaine. Like half of the people who write screaming headlines about her.

I realise that after the death of Charles Kennedy drunkenness is not something anyone must ever admit to as being fun, but these double standards applied to women are from another era.

There is nothing that disgusts these people more than a woman enjoying herself. The only thing women should really “flaunt”, according to this outlook, is self–hatred. Moss’s joie de vivre and her refusal to explain herself is why she has lasted in the business a long time, because unlike so many dead-eyed, skeletal clothes horses she looks like fun. She looks fantastic.

If your idea of hell is sitting next to Kate Moss on an easyJet flight, you really must be dead inside and it’s you, not her, who should be cocooning yourself up in first class.

This sinful woman was flying home to her husband and child after a girlie weekend which wasn’t over until it was over. Women like Kate Moss because she lives the dream: hers and ours. What a joy that she is in the world. I look at her, smile, and think of what Mae West said: “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

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