The Seven Dumbest Things Ted Cruz Ever Said

Ted Cruz announced that he will be running for president of the United States. Did he announce early so he could get some limelight before the adults show up? Is he trying to position himself for a cabinet appointment/payoff when it becomes clear that his brand of half-baked rhetoric won't get him a nomination? Who knows?


What we do know is that he's said some pretty genius level things over the past couple of years. Things that make him presidential in a George W. Bush sort of a way (and we all know how well that presidency worked out for the American people). So here are a few Cruz gems:

  1. We begin with Ted Cruz pontificating on ?????
    I will credit my father, he invented … green eggs and ham. He did it two ways. The easy way was he would put green food coloring in … But if you take spinach and mix it into the eggs, the eggs turn green … I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am.
  2. Ted Cruz taking on the internets:
    "Net Neutrality"is Obamacare for the internet; the internet should not operate at the speed of government.
  3. Teddy C on climate change:
    "You always have to be worried about something that is considered a so-called scientific theory that fits every scenario. Climate change, as they have defined it, can never be disproved, because whether it gets hotter or whether it gets colder, whatever happens, they'll say, well, it's changing, so it proves our theory."
  4. Ted Cruz-mo-Dee on the Constitution:
    This is an administration that seems bound and determine to violate every single one of our bill of rights. I don’t know that they have yet violated the Third Amendment, but I expect them to start quartering soldiers in peoples’ homes soon.
  5. Theodore Cruzington III on hate speech:
    If you look at other nations that have gone down the road towards gay marriage, that’s the next step of where it gets enforced. It gets enforced against Christian pastors who decline to perform gay marriages, who speak out and preach biblical truths on marriage, that has been defined elsewhere as hate speech, as inconsistent with the enlightened view of government.
  6. Who could forget Gentle Ted's response to the young girl asking "The world is on fire?"
    “The world is on fire,” Cruz replied, turning to face the girl and her mother. “Yes! Your world is on fire!”
  7. And finally:
    Twenty years from now if there is some obscure trivial pursuit question, I am confident I will be the answer.

A very obscure question. Here are some of the questions that may proceed said trivial pursuit answer:

  • One of these people does not belong:

    Abraham Lincoln
    Mo'Ne Davis
    The word "Integrity"
    Ted Cruz

  • This former presidential hopeful was once compared to a man made of wax who looks like he is just starting to melt.
  • This former politician only liked people he saw in his bathroom mirror.

I've probably missed a few dozen quotes. Throw them in the comments, let's have a laugh.

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