5 Absurd Right-Wing Moments this Week: Sarah Palin Hawks Christmas Book in Negligee
1. Sarah Palin joyously hawks her Christmas book for the good of all mankind.
If you are not a regular viewer of the Sarah Palin YouTube channel, you might have missed Palin’s nearly four-minute infomercial for her book about recapturing the true heart of Christmas. It’s called Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas and it’s a must-have.
See, the heart of Christmas has been stolen by some grinchy atheists and their attorneys. If you can hear above the din of Christmas carols blaring from every speaker in the whole world, you've probably heard about this all-out War on Christmas.
Palin just really wants to “put the Christ back in Christmas.” And she wants to do that for people of all faiths so they too can be joyous. Isn’t that nice? Because Christmas for Sarah Palin is about freedom. It’s about her freedom to worship as she wants, and simultaneously to shove that freedom to be Christian down everyone else’s throats. Another thing she’d like to shove down everyone’s throats is her special Christmas moose chili. She does not want to brag about her moose chili, but she does want everyone to know that it is “really, really, really good.”
She’d also like to show all her dedicated viewers that she often cooks that Christmas moose chili in a sexy black, shoulderless evening number, that she looks “really, really, really good” in.
You lucky ducks can watch it here.
2. Bill O’Reilly interrupts his vacation to be a complete jerk.
Bill O’Reilly offered his reliably incisive insight into New York politics in the wake of the murder of two police officers in Brooklyn. Just kidding, he was a total douche.
O’Reilly bravely interrupted his vacation this week to call his own show and pompously spout off about New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio. O’Reilly does not care for de Blasio (de Blasio is weeping copious tears over that), mostly because de Blasio is friends with Al Sharpton and sometimes expresses sympathy with black people. “He is a far left individual, who cannot run this city,” O’Reilly spewed. Also, the Fox Newsian blowhard has had cops in his family. And he, like a lot of other right-wingers, says de Blasio is anti-cop simply because the mayor has expressed support for reforming some abusive police practices. The proof that de Blasio is "anti-cop" is that he dared speak in a personal way about his discussions with his black son Dante advising him to take “special care” in his dealings with police. Giving your black son honest if painful advice apparently meets the definition of bad parenting for O’Reilly. “What type of responsible father tells that to his son?” model father O’Reilly whined.
O’Reilly took pains not to blame the NYC mayor for the murders of the two police officers in Brooklyn, then basically blamed him, as well as the police reform protesters. “Aiding and abetting Brinsley, those protesters who yelled ‘we want dead cops.’ They should be shunned.”
But O’Reilly did have one nice word for the actual killer, Ismaaiyl Brinsley, saying, “I hope he’s enjoying hell right now.”
Presumably O’Reilly has gone back to enjoying a nice warm climate himself.
3. Rush Limbaugh is apoplectic at the thought of a black James Bond.
With all the problems in the world, the one that really had Rush Limbaugh worked up into a lather this week was a casting decision he disagrees with. Not even a decision, actually, a casting trial balloon. It turns out that Sony honcho Amy Pascal floated the idea of a black actor being the next James Bond in one of her hacked emails.
Limbaugh was not quite sure how to pronounce British actor Idris Elba’s name, but the shock-jock is certain about Bond’s ethnic origins. “James Bond is a total concept put together by Ian Fleming,” Limbaugh said. “He was white and Scottish, period. That is who James Bond is. Was.”
This is a sacred fact about a fictional character that can never be altered. Of course, an actor from a country other than Scotland can play Bond, because, well, that’s acting! But he must be white!
Limbaugh then engaged in a little tit-for-tat. How would people like it if white actors portrayed the Obamas, Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice? (Scarlett Johansson was his choice for Condi.) How ‘bout Kelsey Grammer for Nelson Mandela?
Then Limbaugh’s head simply exploded into tiny little confetti-like bits unable to sustain all the pressure from the build-up of gaseous hot air.
4. Bernard Kerik: Protesters against police violence are more dangerous than all our other enemies.
For some reason, Time.com saw fit to run an absurdly overblown piece of right-wing propaganda this week by Rudy Giuliani’s former police commissioner, Bernard Kerik. In it, ex-con Kerik breathlessly declares that there is a war going on right here in the homeland, a war on law and order and a war on cops. This war is being waged by an enemy more dangerous than all of our other enemies, including ISIS, Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, combined. That enemy is us.
Cops, according to Kerik, are nothing but good. They never pick on blacks and "Hispanics." Nowhere does Kerik show the faintest glimmer of recognition that the protests are against abusive police practices, not police themselves. Details, details. Oh, but nevermind. Kerik needs to do some more unchecked, hysterical fearmongering courtesy of Time.com:
It’s a lie! It’s a lie that has inflamed the hearts and minds of many and turned them against every cop in the nation. It’s a lie that has the potential to rip America at its seams and cause damage far worse than any attack on our country, including that on 9/11/2001.
Worse than 9/11? Calm down, Bernie. Breathe. Didn't you get anger management classes in prison?
5. Koch-backed, pro-fossil fuel group seems very mixed up about what exactly torture is.
Much as Bernard Kerik compared largely peaceful protesters to 9/11 terrorists, the American Energy Alliance, a Koch-backed pro-fossil fuel group, says it is being tortured by environmental regulations. Tortured, they tell you. Rectal feedings and everything. That’s what it’s like when the EPA tells you to limit your smog emissions.
In a short and extremely comical recent blog post called "The EPA Torture Report," the group claimed that the EPA's proposed limits on smog-forming pollutants and carbon dioxide were comparable to the tactics used by the CIA on post 9/11 detainees. In fact, the post implied the EPA’s efforts to reduce pollution were even worse than torture. How could that be? Because it is being done to Americans, that’s why "[I]t's clear that the CIA isn't the only government agency engaged in torture," the post read. "At least the CIA isn't torturing Americans."
Seriously, they said that.
So save a spot in the line for war criminals to be tried at the Hague. Right behind Dick Cheney et al, those evildoers at the EPA.