10 Insane T-Shirts That Gun Nuts Love (and Prove We Need Gun Control ASAP)

Once again, it’s time to both laugh and cry at the expense of humanity as we peruse the online marketplace for patriotic, gun-loving, “humorous” T-shirts. Ready to bang your head against a wall? Check out this stockpile of gun-friendly attire.


1. You Can Have My Gun. Bullets First. 

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THE DESCRIPTION: “Our Bullets First shirt is a modern twist on the phrase Molon Labe ("Come and take them"), which was used by King Leonidas in response to the Persian's demand that the Spartans lay down their arms. To those who want to take our guns away from us, our response is ‘You can have my gun. Bullets First.’”

MY TAKE: Okay, fine. If someone tries to take your gun away, you’ll simply shoot them in response. It’s great to see that we, as a nation, have evolved far beyond being a bunch of Spartans from old Greek-y times. That’s called progress.

2. All We Need Is Love for the Second Amendment 

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THE DESCRIPTION: “Some people say ‘All you need is love.' But if a country has an oppressive government, the people's freedom to love and live their lives as they want will be quickly taken away from them. Without the freedom to keep and bear arms, we are at the mercy of the government and whoever is in charge at the time. We need a way to defend our freedom to love. What we need is a love for the Second Amendment."

MY TAKE: Well, this peacenik says: if you love something, then set it free. Extra points given for taking a line from a Beatles song written by John Lennon, who was shot dead at pointblank range by a crazed assassin. 

3. Aromatherapy

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THE DESCRIPTION: “Smells can be very therapeutic and provide an incredible amount of peace and pleasure to the human brain. Sometimes it's a smell that reminds us of something pleasant from our childhood that comforts and soothes us. Or maybe it's a smell that is associated in our minds with something enjoyable and fun. With gun owners and lovers, such is the case with gun smoke. The associations it brings with it are usually fun memories of hunting with our kids, going to the range with friends, or just plinking in the backyard. To those of us who love to shoot, it's definitely a therapeutic smell.”

MY TAKE: Yes, gun smoke is a soothing smell; much like other great smells such as napalm in the morning. Just imagine how therapeutic the smell of gun smoke was for a crowd of theatergoers in Aurora, Colorado.

4. Bible. Beer. Bullets. Proud to "B" an American

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THE DESCRIPTION: (It simply restates what’s printed on the T-shirt.)

MY TAKE: Okay, here’s three more Bs for you: Birdbrained. Batty. Buffoonish. Yup, Proud to “B” a Gun-Toting American.

5. Ban The Assault On Weapons

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THE DESCRIPTION: “Liberals try to make us believe that banning so-called ‘assault weapons’ will reduce the murder rate and solve the problem of violent crime in America. But we all know that the facts and statistics say otherwise. Study after study has proven that putting guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens is the best anti-crime measure we can take. We don't need to ban ‘assault weapons,’ we need to ban the assault on weapons."

MY TAKE: Why is "assault weapons" in air-quotes? Sure you can argue about the vernacular, but that’s not going to change the fact that you really don’t need an AK-47 to hunt a deer, or that most people would describe firing off 50 shots in a crowded shopping mall in under 5 seconds as an assault. Now grab some large needles and plunge them into your eyes as you contemplate the reasoning behind ending gun crime by making sure everyone is packing heat.

6. Blessed are the Peacemakers

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THE DESCRIPTION: ‘Blessed are the peacemakers’. These words, spoken by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount, are often misinterpreted as a call to pacifism. However, the truth is quite the opposite. Sometimes being a peacemaker requires standing against evil, including by force if necessary. As Harrison Ford said in Air Force One, "Peace is not the absence of war, but the presence of justice."

MY TAKE: You had me at “Christ in the Sermon on the Mount.” Nice to quote Movie Character Harrison Ford, when Actual Person Harrison Ford has been quoted saying: "I'm very troubled by the proliferation of arms, at the fact so many people in the United States carry guns. It obviously contributes greatly to the crime problems we have."  

7. God Fearin' Bible Believin’ Gun Packin’ America Lovin’ Conservative

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THE DESCRIPTION: “Need we say more? As liberals try to destroy everything we know and love, conservatives can show their pride and encourage others to stand up for their rights. The battle for freedom is one that is continuous, therefore we must be continuously fighting. Don't be afraid to tell people what you believe in. Instead, wear it proudly for everyone to see.”

MY TAKE: I guess there’s some sort of Jeff Foxworthy joke in all this that defines if one is a redneck by the slogan on their T-shirt. Need I say more? 

8. iPac

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THE DESCRIPTION: “Guns and Apple are two things many people are very passionate about. Declare your love for both. Perfect for the Apple fan that likes to carry more than just an iPhone.”  

MY TAKE: Yes, this was Steve Jobs’ original target audience and vision. Strong word of advice: Do not wear this T-shirt if you are black in America!

9. It's Not About Guns, It's About Control

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THE DESCRIPTION: “This shirt says in black and white what liberals know, but doesn't want to admit: It's not about guns, it's about control.  They don't want to get rid of guns, they just want to control who has them.  If the progressives have their way, the government would be the only ones that have them.  And of course the criminals too, since they aren't going to follow the laws anyways, because, well... they're criminals.”

MY TAKE: So in the meantime, criminals, feel free to stockpile an arsenal of guns because not a single damn person is going to stop you.

10. Lead Moves Faster Than Gold or Silver. Stock Up Now.

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THE DESCRIPTION: (It simply restates the name of the T-shirt.)

MY TAKE: Yes. Exactly. Look how fast lead moved in Ferguson. If you take the guns away from the good guys, only bad guys will have guns…oh wait, Michael Brown was an unarmed teenager.

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