WATCH: Jon Stewart Sings the Blues to Texas Democrats - 'You Poor Bastards'

Jon Stewart has spent the week in Austin, Texas, the state's most progressive city. Last night he cast a very skeptical eye on the wishful thinking that the redder-than-red state is ever going to turn blue.


“Texas has been a conservative state since dinosaurs roamed it 6,000 years ago," Stewart said. "At least, that date's according to the Texas state high school textbooks."

Just a for instance:

The man likely to beat out Wendy Davis in the race for governor, Greg Abbott, showed his conservative stripes and hostility towards education in an ad on Facebook featuring a gun and a Bible and the tagline: "Two things every American should know how to use... neither of which are taught in schools."

Stewart suggested that in Abbott's Texas, teachers should be asking students: "What would Jesus shoot?"

There are, alas, plenty more like him. Austin, itself, is represented by five out of six Republican representatives thanks mostly to gerrymandering. “You couldn’t be redder if you took Clifford the Big Red Dog and shoved it into the Devil’s rectum,” Stewart declared. "That's as red as red can red."

Pity the poor, deludedly optimistic Democrats of Texas, who are much like "the drunk guy at the bar who won't stop hitting on a girl even though he knows she's a lesbian."

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