5 Totally Vile Right-Wing Moments This Week: Hannity Stands Up for Child Abuse

1. Sean Hannity: My father beat the crap out of me and look how great I turned out.

Sean Hannity vociferously defended pro-football player Adrian Peterson, who is facing indefinite suspension and criminal charges for beating his four-year-old with a tree branch, this week. While Hannity allowed that Peterson may have gone too far, as did Hannity’s dad, apparently, the Fox host feels that neither deserves to be charged as criminals. Hannity regaled his guests with tales of his beatings, with sound effects, re-enactments and everything. "I got hit with a strap—bam bam bam—and I’ve never been to a shrink. I deserved it.”

Hannity took off his belt to demonstrate just how hard his dad hit him. “I got it like this” (whack whack whack, on the desk). It was hard for his guests to get a word in edgewise, Hannity was so involved in his demonstration. “I was not mentally bruised because my father hit me with a belt.” (Note to Sean: mental bruising is not what Adrian Peterson is charged with.) “My father punched me right in the face when I talked back to him, and I deserved it.”

That’s what kids need, a good punch in the face. Because they deserve it.

And Hannity’s fine, we tell you. He’s fine. No psychological problems whatsoever. Never been to a shrink. He never needs to talk about those beatings, over and over again, drowning out everyone else on the show, including a guest shrink. Never.

2. John Boehner: The unemployed are just sitting around, not wanting to work.

The House Speaker expressed his deeply thought-out views about the unemployed this week during a speech to the American Enterprise Institute. They’re lazy bums, he said, in a nutshell. And yeah, it’s Obama’s fault. Boehner's words:

“This idea that has been born, maybe out of the economy over the last couple years, that you know, I really don’t have to work. I don’t really want to do this. I think I’d rather just sit around.”

That last bit is where Boehner is channeling what he imagines are unemployed people's thoughts.

He then held himself up as a shining example of someone who always worked so hard, but this was back when hard work was valued in America: “If you wanted something you worked for it,” Boehner said. “Trust me, I did it all.”

Where oh where is John Boehner of tomorrow? Is he sitting on his couch thinking, nah, I don’t feel like working. What a loss!

Question: Does John Boehner know any unemployed people? Where is he getting this pseudo-insight? How is he getting inside their heads and reading their thoughts?

Answer: He doesn’t. And he can’t. He isn't.

3. Rush Limbaugh: No means yes if you know how to spot it.

Rush Limbaugh’s escalating hatred for women is oozing out of every cell, every pore and every orifice these days. On a near daily basis, he spews hatred of women for ruining football by walking into men’s fists, for demanding that there be consequences for domestic violence, for just “chickifying” and ruining everything.

This lamentable march toward chickification has, in Rush’s view, lead inexorably to increased awareness, and, ugh, rules, about sexual assault on campuses, like Ohio State University which announced strengthened policies ensuring consent.

Boo, how terrible, Limbaugh hissed on his radio show. “Consent” in his view takes all of the “romance” out of things. Romance, as defined by Rush, is recognizing when “no” means “yes.”

“How many of you guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?” Limbaugh asked his apparently ossified-through-age male listeners. “I’m probably — let me tell you something, in this modern [world], that is simply, that’s not tolerated. People aren’t even going to try to understand that one.”

“It used to be a cliché, it used to be part of the advice young boys were given,” he added.

Yes it was Rush, it was a cliché, and it was a very very long time ago. It was fairly wrong then (as clichés often are) and completely wrong now that there is growing awareness that women also want sex, and are very capable of expressing that desire.

Well, that’s no good, Rush lamented. “Seduction used to be an art,” he actually said. “Now, of course, it’s prudish, it’s predatory, it’s bad.”

We are trying to envision a “seduction” that could be construed as both “prudish” and “predatory” and drawing a complete blank. Anyone?

Limbaugh capped off his week by calling the Republican Party the equivalent of "a battered wife" when it comes to its treatment by the mean old media. So see, he does have sympathy for battered women, after all. They're just like Republicans.

4. Sarah Palin’s take on daughter Bristol repeatedly punching the host of a party: Bristol is a role model for strong women.

Sarah Palin has been trying to avoid the whole subject of her classy brood’s involvement in a good ol' fashioned backyard brawl recently, but she did post something on Facebook this week about how proud she is of her daughter Bristol. Witnesses have said that dear, sweet Bristol was a very active puncher in the melee, landing multiple blows on the body of the owner of the house, and of course, her host. You betcha the Palins will be invited back to that house again.

This week, mother bear Palin wrote glowingly of her daughter:

"My straight-shooter is one of the strongest young women you'll ever meet. I have to say this as a proud mama: right up there with their work ethic and heart for those less fortunate, my kids' defense of family makes my heart soar! As you can imagine, they and my extended family have experienced so many things (liberal media-driven) that may have crushed others without a strong foundation of faith, and I’m thankful for our friends’ prayer shield that surrounds them, allowing faith to remain their anchor. Thank you, prayer warriors! I love you!”

Prayer warriors, yeesh! Does Jesus know about this?

5. Laura Ingraham’s hysterical blog post: 'NFL Sacks Jesus, Hires Feminists'

Laura Ingraham just can’t figure out what to get most worked up about lately. She spent part of the week spreading ignorance about ebola, derisively calling it “those scary little worms” and saying America should not be bothering to help fight it. And there was her usual hysteria about child immigrants infecting real Americans with..what, compassion? She tweeted her disgust that proposed New York City ID cards would offer undocumented immigrant children admission to the city’s zoo and museums. Yeah, that’s downright awful. And then this busy right-wing beaver also had to weigh in on the sissification of the NFL, and penned a blog post titled: The NFL Sacks Jesus, Hires Feminists.

Ingraham is right there with Limbaugh about the “de-masculinization agenda” running rampant in American football. While Ingraham somewhat reasonably writes that Roger Goodell should have been fired once the second Ray Rice video surfaced, she’s even madder that he has now committed an even worse offense: Appointing three women, gasp, feminists, to “help lead and shape the NFL’s policies and programs related to domestic violence and sexual assault.” How misguided! It’s the end of football as we know it.

Worse still, Ingraham laments, is that a player was reprimanded for wearing a “No Jesus, No Peace” T-shirt. “Let’s face it: Liberals don’t like the idea of individuals having a personal relationship with God,” Ingraham foams at the mouth. “They can’t control it. They hate Natural Law. It is always about the allocation of power—should it be with the individual as God intended or with the state as collectivists want?”

Someone get this woman a sedative.


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