1. Kevin Swanson is begging you not to buy those lesbian Girl Scout cookiesHow, you might ask, can a cookie be lesbian? And which one is the most lesbian? Is it the famous chocolate covered Thin Mints, or those scrumptious Do-si-dos Peanut Butter Sandwiches?Right-wing pastor Kevin Swanson is not buying sweets from his local Girl Scouts. And he doesn\u2019t want you to, either. Because if you do, you are helping them to promote this oh-so-harmless-seeming, but secretly dastardly organization\u2019s lesbian agenda and also its baby-killing agenda. Also, they\u2019re commies. \u201cI don\u2019t want to support lesbianism, I don\u2019t want to support Planned Parenthood and I don\u2019t want to support abortion, and if that be the case I\u2019m not buying Girl Scout cookies,\u201d he neatly summed up on his radio show this week.Where does he get these ideas about what is truly behind the Girl Scouts? We don\u2019t know. Perhaps they come from the little voices in his head, which are also telling him the Girl Scouts of the USA is \u201ca wicked organization,\u201d that doesn\u2019t promote \u201cgodly womanhood.\u201d\u201cThe vision of the Girl Scouts of America is antithetical to a biblical vision for womanhood,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s antithetical to it.\u201d Because Girl Scouts encourage girls to be independent, or dependent on other girls and women, which is very, very wicked indeed.And nothing screams independent woman more than Do-si-do.2. Men\u2019s Righter, Paul Elam: It\u2019s okay not to care about female rape victimsMen\u2019s rights. What could be bad? Sounds so innocuous. Men should have rights. Everyone should have rights. Wait, who is taking away men\u2019s rights? Why, feminists of course. And also rape victims. Whaaa\u2026?Men\u2019s Rights Movement rockstar Paul Elam, famous for, among other statements, \u201cwhile beautiful women may fear rape, fat, ugly ones might secretly covet it\u201d shockingly defended his successor, John Hembling, for saying he didn\u2019t \u201cgive a fuck about rape victims anymore,\u201d in a video quoted by the Daily Beast. Meaning, of course, female rape victims, because he does give a fuck about male rape victims, as we all should.\u201cI don\u2019t find it particularly hyperbolic for a man to say, \u2018I\u2019m not gonna give a damn about female rape victims anymore,\u2019\u201d Elam, founder of the website A Voice for Men, said in a video posted Sunday on YouTube. \u201cThey have tons of money, of law enforcement, of special programs funded by the government, of social consciousness \u2013 schools have Take Back The Night rallies, everything you can possibly think of.\u201d Later he said, \u201cI stand behind John for making that video.\u201dOddly, Hembling, the editor-in-chief for A Voice for Men, didn\u2019t quite stand behind the video because he took it down from his own Youtube channel, although he\u2019s left plenty of clues indicative of his mindset towards women. At one point he said he was attracted to the intellectual underpinnings of the men\u2019s rights movement because women are \u201cwithout the capacity for moral agency.\u201d\u2018Nuff said.3. N.C. Republican official doesn\u2019t want those lazy blacks votingDon Yelton, the now-former N.C. voting official, made a splash this week when he told Jon Stewart that his state\u2019s new stringent voter I.D. law is sound, because \u201cif it hurts a bunch of lazy blacks that want the government to give them everything, so be it.\u201d He assured the "Daily Show" host that he is not racist, though, and by way of illustration, pointed out that, N*** say n**** all the time so what\u2019s really racist is not letting white people say n****. Especially when they just really love saying that word.Predictably, he lost his job as precinct chair in the Buncombe County, North Carolina Republican Party the next day, and in the wake of that kept right on going with the same kinds of statements, \u2018cause why not at that point? And he really loves saying that word.The Huffington Post dubbed him the \u201cmost racist Republican\u201d around, but we think that\u2019s a pretty deep bench. He is, however, still in the running for the stupidest Republican around, but that, too, is a very competitive race.4. N.C. (yes, again) State Rep. Larry Pittman: Obama not a traitor (to Kenya, where he was born, of course)Let it not be said that Republicans are exaggerating President Obama\u2019s crimes in, say, a lame attempt to impeach him. This week, Pittman made a funny birther joke to a sympathetic town hall audience, and just cracked the house up. It was really very clever. Apparently Pittman had recently seen an image of the President with the word \u201ctraitor\u201d stamped across it. An eminently reasonable man, Pittman told the Concord, N.C. crowd: \u201cI don\u2019t always agree with the guy, I certainly didn\u2019t vote for him, but I gotta defend him on this one. I just don\u2019t think it\u2019s right at all to call Barack Obama a traitor. You know a lot of things he\u2019s done wrong, but he is not a traitor. At least not as far as I can tell, because I\u2019ve not come across any evidence yet that he has done one thing to harm Kenya."And they laughed and laughed.Pittman, also a Presbyterian minister, is such a card. Some of his other kneeslappers include endorsing public hangings of doctors who perform abortions, and saying \u201cthe only thing illegal aliens have the right to do in North Carolina is to leave.\u201dSo funny we forgot to laugh.5. Sheldon Adelson: Nuke IranCasino mogul, GOP mega-donor, and funder of hawkish, rabidly pro-Israel think tanks, Sheldon Adelson is still finding ways to make his voice heard after donating and wasting vast sums to Romney and other Republicans in 2012.At a panel called \u201cWill Jews Exist? Iran, Assimilation and the Threat to Israel and Jewish Survival,\u201d at Yeshiva University in New York this week, he helpfully suggested giving Iran a little warning nuke to speed along the process of convincing them to get rid of their nukes . . . because, in his view, what\u2019s the good of diplomacy? He has it all thought out, explaining that if you nuke some nearby desert, all you hurt is a \u201cfew rattlesnakes and scorpions, or whatever,\u201d (definitely not true). Then you say to those holocaust-denying mullahs in charge, \u201cSee! The next one is in the middle of Tehran. So, we mean business. You want to be wiped out? Go ahead and take a tough position and continue with your nuclear development.\u201dPlease tell us that despite his mountains of cash, no one is really listening to Sheldon Adelson.6. Joe the former Plumber: Democrats are the lynchersJoe Wurzelbacher, famous for being trotted out by the McCain campaign to state his opposition to a tax hike on the wealthy that would not have affected him, is still trying to extend his 15 minutes of fame. (It beats fixing people\u2019s pipes, we suppose.)After outspoken Florida Democrat Alan Grayson provocatively used a burning cross for the \u201cT\u201d in Tea Party, Wurzelbacher, still trying to kickstart a career in conservative politics, tweeted that it is the Democrats who have the racist history, and included an image with that burning \u201cT\u201d in the word \u201cDemocrat.\u201dGrayson refused to take back his comments about the Tea Party being no more popular than the KKK. He said his comparison comes from the group\u2019s "relentless racist attacks against our African-American president.""[T]here is overwhelming evidence that the tea party is the home of bigotry and discrimination in America today, just as the KKK was for an earlier generation," Grayson said in a statement provided to HuffPost. "If the hood fits, wear it."7. Coach Daubenmire: Christians are being bullied into not bullying gaysDave Daubenmire, number 607 in the \u201cDictionary of American Loons,\u201d is an expert on bullying. His high school coaching career ran aground after he coerced students into praying in school. Now he has parlayed his fame into anti-gay rants and being a general loudmouth liar for Jesus. This week he went on a kind of circular rant about bullying, saying in a Youtube video: \u201cThe whole bullying idea is built around the homosexual agenda. It\u2019s an effort to try to get people not to criticize or make fun of homosexuals.\u201dHe does not agree with that. In fact, he thinks it is Christians who are being bullied because they\u2019re not being allowed to express their hatred of homosexuals, or to bully them.But he has some deeper thoughts about the whole bullying thing.\u201cI don\u2019t like bullying,\u201d he said. \u201cBut bullying is a part of life. If we want to make Americans tough again, we are raising some of the softest children in the world. My father\u2019s generation would be ashamed of how sissified our kids have become.\u201dSo, bullying can be a good thing. And following that logic, it could be good that Christians are being bullied into not bullying gay people, because it\u2019ll toughen up those lily-livered Christians.Right?8. Bradlee Dean, President Obama is both secretly pushing Shariah law, and secretly gayIt is so liberating to be freed of any semblance of logic in thought. Bradlee Dean, who is too-crazy-even-for-many-Republicans (but not for Michelle Bachmann) was at it again this week. The \u201cSons of Liberty\u201d radio host, fundamentalist Christian rocker, and all-around nutjob, noted in a column for WorldNetDaily that \u201cPresident Barrack Hussein Obama\u201d has appointed \u201c225 homosexuals\u201d to key positions in the government.Obama, Dean thinks, is simultaneously practicing \u201cdiscrimination against heterosexuals,\u201d and \u201cadvocating Shariah law.\u201dThere are things Dean likes about Shariah law and radical Muslims, like executing gay people, a practice which he says makes them \u201cmore moral than American Christians,\u201d according to Rightwingwatch.We\u2019re just a little unclear as to why \u201csecretly gay\u201d Obama would want to implement laws that would have himself executed.But maybe we\u2019re slow.9. Group of Christians refuse to tip waiter, but are nice enough to leave a note explaining his \u201chomosexual lifestyle is an affront to God\u201dSo, a group of Christians walk into a bar. Well, it was a restaurant in Overland Park, Kansas. And they ate and made merry, then left. The joke ends there. When 20-year-old server, according to KCTV Fox 19, went to clear the table, he found a note instead of a tip.\u201cThank you for your service, it was excellent,\u201d it read. \u201cThat being said, we cannot in good conscience tip you, for your homosexual lifestyle is an affront to GOD. Queers do not share in the wealth of GOD, and you will not share in ours. We hope you will see the tip your queer choices made you lose out on, and plan accordingly. It is never too late for GOD\u2019s love, but none shall be spared for queers. May GOD have mercy on you.\u201dThis is what passes for Christianity these days? Jesus is rolling over in his grave.10. Texas Rep. Steve Stockman: Ted Cruz is a brilliant, heroic, visionary leaderAgainst all evidence\u2014but then again what does persnickety evidence have to do with a right-wing argument?\u2014Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX) is hailing his home-state senator Ted Cruz as a heroic visionary for leading the Republican push to shut down the government.Forget all those post-shutdown polls showing both the Republican and Tea Party\u2019s approval ratings taking a serious hit. Cruz\u2019s ploy \u201cwas brilliant,\u201d Stockman told WorldNetDaily.He compared Cruz\u2019s efforts to the Battle of the Alamo, a story dear to every Texan\u2019s heart, because the takeaway is, \u201cIn every loss, there can be a victory.\u201dStockman later opined that Obamacare is secretly a plot to drive everyone into a single payer system. Well, not that secret, he wrongly quoted Obama as saying single payer was his goal (if only).The congressman also said he\u2019s against any additional government funding to fix problems with the Affordable Care Act\u2019s exchanges. \u201cIt is like saying my house is burning so we need more gasoline to put the fire out. It doesn\u2019t make sense.\u201dNo, congressman, and neither do you.