John Oliver: 'Halliburton Can Eat a Bag of D*cks'

AlterNet
and
 Kristen Gwynne
July 31, 2013

Last night on the Daily Show, John "Judge Johnny" Oliver issued a mock ruling on "Halliburton vs. any sense of humanity," for the company's destruction of evidence in the wake of the BP oil spill. 

Noting that Halliburton plead guilty to destruction of evidence and agreed to pay the maximum file, Oliver asked, "What is that -- a bajillion dollars plus infinity hours of community service, writing a handwritten apology to every living creature affected by the spill?"

No, the maximum fine is actually $200,000.

"$200 thousand? So you can ruin the Gulf Coast and destroy the evidence, for the price of four Toyota Avalons and half a semester at NYU?" Oliver asked. 

"That punishment was so light, even Halliburton as uncomfortable with it." Indeed, the company reportedly made a $55 billion voluntary contribution to the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation. 

"Hopefully, at least, they'll pay the price in the stock market," said Oliver, before cutting to a clip noting their shares went up 2%. He then made his ruling: "I hereby find that Haliburton can go eat a bag of dicks."

"Order! Order in the court!"

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