House Republicans Block Overhaul of Immigration Bill

In a move that stunned nearly no one, House Republicans have shot down a comprehensive overhaul of the nation's immigration laws in an effort to block a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants. This move comes after the Senate and President Obama intentionally put forth a bi-partisan bill in an effort to sway the GOP leaders to reevaluate their stance on one of this administration's most controversial pillars of reform. Or, in less stuffy terms, Obama literally begged the GOP to meet him in the middle while Speaker of the House Boehner kept avoiding eye contact and whistling like he was passing a crazy on the A-train.


The two-and-a-half-hour session made it clear that the House had no intention of taking up anything resembling the Senate's bill in the current form, which many cited as a reflection of the GOP's desire to block any and all actions of the Obama administration. The Senate provision would grant a path to citizenship for the nearly 11 million undocumented citizens already in the country, while also mandating tougher border security provisions before giving immigrants legal status.

The meeting came just hours after former President George W. Bush threw his cowboy hat in the ring during a speech outside his new Dallas presidential center. As the New York Times reported, Bush said that the "laws governing the immigration system aren't working. The system is broken. We're not in an important debate in reforming those laws, and that's good." When asked if he planned participate in the party-wide reassessment of immigration policy, Bush stated that he did not intend to get involved in the politics or the specific policy of others, to which Iraqis around world screamed, "oh wait really?"

In the spirit of bi-partisanship for which House Republicans have become known, houe leaders said, "the Obama administration cannot be trusted to deliver on its promises to secure the border and enforce the laws as part of a single, massive bill," before high-fiving and probably going out for beers. 

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