Bobby Jindal's Ridiculous Birth Control Plot

Well, well, well. What have we here? Why, it's Gov. Bobby Jindal, opining in the pages of the Wall Street Journal that—brace yourselves for this shocker—birth control should be morereadily available. But not because it improves the health and welfare of women and their families. That's crazy talk! No, Jindal wants to make birth control accessible because that will really stick it to the Democrats.

No, seriously:

As a conservative Republican, I believe that we have been stupid to let the Democrats demagogue the contraceptives issue and pretend, during debates about health-care insurance, that Republicans are somehow against birth control. It's a disingenuous political argument they make.

Ah, yes. Because it's Democrats who run around like headless chickens, screaming and wailing about "religious liberty" and how making birth control affordable and accessible to women isjust like 9/11 and Pearl Harbor day. It's Democrats who've said that only sluts use or want birth control. It's Democrats who've said that even married couples should not use birth control because the whole point of marriage is to pop out babies in the name of Jesus.

Oh, no, wait. That's actually the Republican Party.

But Jindal, who is also head of the Republican Governors' Association as well as a possible presidential candidate in 2016, thinks it's high time Republicans stand up for women and their health care because—Nah. Just kidding. In fact, Jindal manages to completely omit any mention of the benefits of birth control for women and their families. But boy, oh boy, does he see an awful lot of political benefits for Republicans if they'd stop giving Democrats such a good reason to criticize them. And that's apparently reason enough to support the recommendation of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists to make birth control available over the counter.

Oh, and also, Obama sucks. In fact, it's his fault women don't have better access to birth control. No, seriously:

Over-the-counter contraception would be easier to obtain if not for some unfortunate aspects of President Obama's health-care law.

Ah, yes. Who doesn't remember how Republicans were demanding that the president's health care law be bigger and better to provide even greater access to, say, reproductive health care?

Oh, and lest you think that "pro-life" Jindal has suddenly turned away from the Every Sperm Is Sacred ideology of his party, don't worry. He hasn't:

As an unapologetic pro-life Republican, I also believe that every adult (18 years old and over) who wants contraception should be able to purchase it. But anyone who has a religious objection to contraception should not be forced by government health-care edicts to purchase it for others. And parents who believe, as I do, that their teenage children shouldn't be involved with sex at all do not deserve ridicule.

See? He still totally supports preventing women from having access to certain kinds of reproductive health care because he's "pro-life." And also, stop making fun of him and other delusional parents like him for thinking that if you just don't let kids have access to birth control, they won't have sex. Because that totally works! Plus, also, something something freedom something.

But other than that, Jindal thinks birth control is super swell, and everyone should have access to it, so take that, Democrats:

Democrats have wrongly accused Republicans of being against birth control and against allowing people to use it. That's hogwash. But Republicans do want to protect those who have religious beliefs that are opposed to contraception. The latest opinion from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists is a common-sense call for reform that could yield a result everyone can embrace: the end of birth-control politics.

Got it? People who believe that birth control is evil and un-freedom-y should still be "protected" from ... uh ... um ... living in a country where people disagree with them? Who knows? But obviously, Republicans really learned a lesson from this year's election: If there's something that is super popular with pretty much every one in America—like birth control—maybe being on the unpopular side of that issue isn't such a winning strategy after all. Maybe.


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