10 Mind-Numbingly Stupid Political Headlines on the Eve of the Election

Election '16

Besides ‘go vote,’ you’d think that almost everything that can be said about Tuesday’s presidential election would have already been said. Well maybe not.

Her are 10 headlines and opening paragraphs from silly stories about the 2012 election bouncing around the Internet on Monday.

Some of this stuff is just amazing in its audacity, opacity or utter irrelevance. You can decide which labels are most apt.

1.Everything -- Except the Polls -- Points to a Romney Landslide

By Rush Limbaugh, RushLimbaugh.com

RUSH:  Well, the Drive-Bys are all excited because Romney has announced he's going back to Ohio tomorrow.  On Election Day, Romney is going to Ohio, and the Drive-Bys are trying to interpret that as meaning it's slipping away.  Romney has to head back into Ohio on Election Day because it's slipping away.  The Drive-Bys are all excited by their own polling data. 

2. Obama-Springsteen Crowd Lower Than Kerry In 2004

By Zeke Miller, Buzzfeed.com

The crowd for President Barack Obama's final rally in Wisconsin with Bruce Springsteen is falling short of the audience John Kerry drew with the musician in 2004.

The White House put the crowd at 18,000 for Obama and The Boss in Madison Monday morning, far less than the 80,000 the defeated Democratic nominee drew eight years ago just before the election — a turnout that caused a small panic inside the Bush campaign.

3. Huggies Election Ad Favors Obama?

By CopyRanter, Buzzfeed.com

The Kimberly-Clark brand just posted this ad on their Facebook page this morning.

At first glance, you'll count 4 photos of Obama, and 4 photos of Romney (and, only one black baby). BUT, who's hand is that in the middle photo? Looks...brown-ish

4. Redskins Rule Election Predictor: Obama’s Going to Lose the Election

By Michael Solomon, TheDailyBeast.com

The Washington Redskins just lost their last home game before the presidential election—which means, according to a rule that’s predicted 17 of the last 18 White House winners, Romney will be the next president.

5. Obama Favored In His Ancestral Kenyan Village

By Joe Mwihia and Ben Curtis, Associated Press

KOGELO, Kenya (AP) -- At President Barack Obama's ancestral village in Kenya, witch doctor John Dimo tossed some shells, bones and other items to determine who will win Tuesday's election.

After throwing the objects like so many dice outside his hut in Kogelo village, Dimo, who says he is 105 years old, points to a white shell and declares: "Obama is very far ahead and is definitely going to win."

6. Jay-Z Substitutes 'Mitt' for 'B-tch' While Rapping at Obama Rally

By Noel Shepherd, Newsbusters.org

Rapper Jay-Z while performing at an Obama campaign rally in Ohio Monday substituted the name "Mitt" for the word "b-tch" in the lyrics to his song "99 Problems."

7. Big Bird Punches Romney Look Alike In The Face During School Performance

By Breitbart.com

The Texas Sports Center, the the Beaumont Central High School marching band's political “dance-off.” (This is a video caption)

8. Indiana Man Tattoos Face With Mitt Romney Logo For $15,000
By Daniel Beekman, New York Daily News

An Indiana man tattooed his face with a Mitt Romney presidential campaign logo in exchange for $15,000. Eric Hartsburg used the online auction house eBay to sell a 5-by-2-inch space on the side of his face, ABC News reported.

9. If Obama Wins, 2016 Talk Starts Soon For Both Parties

By Matthew Dowd, NationalJournal.com

Not many hours are left until we close the chapter of the long, hard-fought 2012 presidential election and open the first chapter of the 2016 presidential primaries. Here’s one prediction I am very confident in making: Those next primaries are likely to start within hours or days of Tuesday.

10. Sheldon G. Adelson: I Didn't Leave the Democrats. They Left Me

By Sheldon G. Adelson, The Wall Street Journal

When members of the Democratic Party booed the inclusion of God and Jerusalem in their party platform this year, I thought of my parents.

They would have been astounded.

(Editor’s note: Sheldon Adelson and his wife gave $52 million to GOP candidates and causes in 2012—more than any other American.)

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