10 Funniest Headlines from the Petraeus Sex Scandal
America's press corps despaired at the fate of their fallen hero, General David Petreaus, when he resigned following revelations of an extra-marital affair with hagiographer Paula Broadwell. Still, they picked themselves up and performed admirably at the difficult task at hand: generating non-stop tawdry coverage as the scandal spread to include a colorful cast of characters including the incomparable Jill Kelley, her shirtless FBI suitor, and a whole different General (and America's massive surveillance state).
AlterNet has assembled 10 of the most inspired, hilarious headlines -- both inadvertently and purposefully -- of the scandal. Enjoy!
1. We hope monuments are erected to this NY Daily News cover, so the rest of the world and future generations can eternally marvel at the American genius on display:
Paula Broadwell for close to ten years cooperated with the American military forces. Even though she has a husband and two children, but she enthralled herself to militarism and was present in countries like Afghanistan following Petraeus who was at the time the American commander in Afghanistan … If we look at the course of the lives of the past leaders and managers of the CIA it can be seen to be full of these type of people in positions of power with a brutal soul.
Who was Bathsheba and how many generals did she screw? From the article:
David seduces Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah the Hittite, and impregnates her. He later orders that Uriah be placed in the front ranks of the fighting, where Uriah is killed. Upon word of his death, David marries Bathsheba. God is displeased and sends the prophet Nathan to rebuke the king, who repents but is nonetheless punished by the death of his and Bathsheba’s child, and by the later civil war arising from the insurrection Absalom (David’s beloved third son) leads against David.
Militaristic aduterers, they're just like us!
10. Let's end on a sexy note, via, again, the NY Post: