25 Best Songs For Surviving the GOP Convention

The Republican National Convention is finally upon us. And, without a trace of irony or self-awareness, it’s being held in the strip joint capital of the country!  Even moderate Republicans are reeling at what is being called “the most conservative platform in modern history.”  Evidently, it still bears repeating: slavery to monarchs and ministers, which the world will be long freeing itself from, and whose deadly grasp stops the progress of the human mind, is not yet abolished.

However, you have to stay upbeat, so to speak. So, in sympathy with Rage Against the Machine’s Tom Morello,  and in anticipation of this weeklong celebration of the Republican Party’s hijacking by radical fundamentalists bent on theocracy, here is a list of songs to alleviate an epidemic of  dazed struck-dumbedness around the world.

Initially, this was simply a list of the songs on the soundtrack from the children’s movie Shark Tales, which was the perfect example of how we subtly transmit deplorable values to our children while entertaining them to death with cartoon characters.  The kids’ movie, not the Convention, of course.  No joke, here are the names of the songs: Gold Digger (check out the lyrics, because you know that all women are), Secret Love, Some of My Best Friends are Sharks, Lies and Rumours. It would have been ok, but those songs mostly covered sexism and homophobia and there is so much more to the Convention! There’s shredding the environment, denying science in all kinds of creative ways, banning critical thinking, stripping women of their rights, eliminating any semblance of a humane social safety net, oh!, lest we forget, helping the rich pay fewer taxes in order to justify a long-failed trickle down policy. 

 Here goes:

1. Mika, "Blame it on the Girls"

2. Regina Spektor, "Ballad of a Politician"

3. The Wombats, "Here Comes The Anxiety"

4. 2 Chainz f. Nicki Minaj, "I Luv Dem Strippers"

5. Jessie J, "Price Tag"

6. Angus and Joss Stone, "The Boys" (On Flip Flopping)

7. Phoenix, "1901" (no really, it’s not 1901, just a reminder)

8. Dizzee Rascal, "Money Money Money Money" (Girls, girls, cash, cash)

9. Pitbull, "Back in Time" (even further)

10. Rizzle Kicks, "Demolition Man"

If economic policy, jobs and wealth distribution are your primary concerns:

11. One Direction, "Same Mistakes" (Not those, these)

12. Mac Miller, "Party on 5th Avenue" (but you’re not invited)

13. David Byrne and Talking Heads, "Road to Nowhere" (AGAIN)

14. VV Brown, "Shark In The Water"

If, instead, you are interested in your privacy, bodily autonomy or equal protection under the law and you are looking for something to take the edge off of any subtle or not so subtle misogyny, homophobia or racism or maybe to ease specific anxieties about violence against women or rape apologies or just a straightforward articulation of male domination, skip straight to these:

15. Mika, "Billy Brown" (might have needed a gay-therapy clinic)

16. No Doubt, "It’s My Life"

17. Arctic Monkeys, "When The Sun Goes Down" (it’s a Violence Against Women thing)

18. Ke$ha, "Dinosaur"

19. B.o.B. f. Janelle Monae, "The Kids"

Fundamental disconnection from reality, miscellaneous strolls down election year memory lane and wrap up:

20. MGMT, "Time to Pretend"

21. The Shins, "Girl Sailor" (‘cause who can forget women-should-expect-to-be-raped-Trotta)

22. Mitt Romney Talks to Some Black People  (Formerly Baha Men, "Who Let The Dogs Out")

23. Elisa Doolittle, "Pack Up"

24. Jack Johnson, "Crying Shame"

25. Vampire Weekend, "Run"

BONUS TRACK: Last, but definitely not least, for when you just can’t stand another minute or cannot imagine how we are on the verge of allowing a small group of power hungry people to corruptly trade our fundamental rights away. 

Lily Allen, "F**K You"

I hope you liked this list of catchy tunes and that they help distract you as you watch in stunned disbelief. If you, too, have songs that lyrically address predation, unresolved homosexuality, thinly veiled racism, internalized sexism, sexism, unconscionable wealth gaps, the effects of compulsory poverty, the impact of a degraded VAWA, rape apologies and patriarchs scared of single women and all they imply please add the to the list in comments. 

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