The Most Sexiest Greenest Unlikely Story of the Year

This article is reprinted by permission from Grist. For more environmental news and humor sign up for Grist's free email service.

Most thoroughly debunked premise: "The Death of Environmentalism"

Amusingest photo op: President Bush in a white lab coat, squinting vacantly at a vial of biofuel-bound liquid

Most overused headline gimmick: any variant of "inconvenient" or "truth" (just stop it!)

Goodest riddance: Richard "Dick" Pombo

Second-goodest riddance: Conrad Burns

Refreshingest return from the dead: congressional oversight

Greenest mayor: Rocky Anderson

Driest report we actually read: IPCC's Fourth Assessment Report

Slogan most likely to sweep the nation: "Coal is the enemy of the human race."

Company we least expected to beg for carbon caps: ConocoPhillips

Adorablest new eco-heroes: the fourth-grade class at Park School in Massachusetts

Tie: Knut

Hottest conservative: David Cameron

Hottest Canadian: Stephane Dion

Longest-running federal boneheadedness: Interior Department's failure to collect royalties from oil companies drilling in the Gulf of Mexico

Hottest peak: peak oil peak coal peak soil peak chances in hell

Biggest beneficiary of the corn ethanol boom: Archer Daniels Midland

Second biggest: politicians in need of something green-sounding to say

Third: nope, just the two

Least likely climate champion: U.S. Supreme Court

Worst substitute for reducing carbon emissions: reducing "carbon intensity"

Awkwardest incorporation of eco-theme into a sitcom: My Name Is Earl's "Robbed a Stoner Blind" episode

Depressingest study in Science: seafood to be wiped out by mid-century

Second depressingest: Greenland melting fast

Third depressingest: Melting Siberian permafrost packed with CO2

Weakest attempt by Science to cheer us back up: Land corridors encourage biodiversity

Sexiest congressional clean-energy champion: Jay Inslee

Curmudgeonliest: Bernie Sanders

Most aptly named: Barbara Boxer

Most unexpected: Ted Stevens

Most improved: John Dingell

Saddest potential species extinction: Tasmanian devil

Happiest: climate-change skeptics

Hottest concert ticket on earth: Live Earth Antarctica

Eco-issue most likely to be declared "the new black" this coming year: placemaking

Least effective spokesperson for global-warming activism: John Travolta

Most effective: God

Least original glossy magazine idea: the green issue

Ironicalest oversight for a green issue: printing on non-recycled paper

Greenest nudie model: Keeley Hazell

Or was that nudest greenie model?: still Keeley

Insect we least thought we'd miss: bees

Scourge of society we always suspected was responsible: cell phones

Greenest band with music that isn't insufferable treacle: Cloud Cult

Climate convert most likely to give you the heebie-jeebies: Pat Robertson

Tie: Newt Gingrich

Blatantest attempt to exploit the climate crisis: nuclear power industry

Best alternative to nuclear power: URGE2

Least newsworthy press release: your product/organization/band/candidate/cousin went carbon neutral

Second least newsworthy press release: your product/organization/band/candidate/cousin is crossing the country in an alternatively powered vehicle to "raise awareness" of issue X

Best eco-apology: Jon Bon Jovi

Favorite source of angry letters to the editor: alien abductees

Second favorite source of angry letters to the editor: brunettes

Bush most likely to receive some karmic forgiveness: Lauren

Worst song ever to still deserve an Oscar: I Need to Wake Up

Dirtiest smear on a halo: Obama's support for coal-to-liquids

Most creative source of biofuel: Ass fat

Tie: Kitties

Best reason to skip biofuels and go all-electric: Tesla Roadster

Leakiest pipeline operator: BP

Most counterintuitively intriguing: the greenest way to boil water for tea

Most poignant if entirely quixotic gesture: climate resolutions in New Hampshire towns

Scariest factoid: China expects to double its oil use in the next five years

World leader we'd most like to give a backrub to: Wen Jiabao

Eco-hero we'd most like to see body slam Dick Cheney: Mexican wrestler Hijo del Santo

Green celeb we just want to hug: Ed Begley Jr.

Green celeb we just want to ... talk to: Kristen Bell

Biggest danger posed by all the eco-progress made this year: organic-vodka hangovers

Understand the importance of honest news ?

So do we.

The past year has been the most arduous of our lives. The Covid-19 pandemic continues to be catastrophic not only to our health - mental and physical - but also to the stability of millions of people. For all of us independent news organizations, it’s no exception.

We’ve covered everything thrown at us this past year and will continue to do so with your support. We’ve always understood the importance of calling out corruption, regardless of political affiliation.

We need your support in this difficult time. Every reader contribution, no matter the amount, makes a difference in allowing our newsroom to bring you the stories that matter, at a time when being informed is more important than ever. Invest with us.

Make a one-time contribution to Alternet All Access, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you.

Click to donate by check.

DonateDonate by credit card
Donate by Paypal
{{ }}