Freaky Fridays

Dear SG,

I've started seeing someone who everyone knows. She has forbidden me to speak about us, keep it on 'the low.' Does that mean I'm not the only one? Or is she embarrassed of me?

Shady Relation

Dear Shady,

Yes, and yes. No, seriously … she might have caught onto your insecure, paranoid, jealous tendencies. No, seriously: You are not 'seeing' each other. You see each other sometimes. I'd guess on her terms, when she wants something in particular. If you are ok with this power dynamic, by all means respect her desire for discretion and keep it on the low. If you would like to be more of an equal player in the situation, and especially if you have a desire to ever be the person everyone knows she is seeing, you should ask her straight up: why you tryin' to put baby in the corner?

Good luck!



Dear SG,

I have just started sleeping with this woman who is very well known and respected in my field, and I think I might be falling for her. In her eyes, I can tell she feels the same. She's more amazing up close than she seemed from afar, which is saying a lot. My problem is, I have been underperforming in my work and she works for one of my key allies. I am scared she's going to find out that I am not nearly as amazing as she is and … I couldn't bear to lose her. I know I could do better … how do I cover my tracks?

Another Lover

Dear Lover,

It never ceases to amaze me that people will sit in awe of their lovers, but not themselves. If she's that amazing she already knows. The point of wanting to be a better person is -- as far as I've observed -- simultaneous with the point of no return in love. Tell her she makes you want to be better, and then be better. No matter how the love goes, it never hurts to raise your own bar.



Do you have a question? Email SG at


1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.

Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.

Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to … do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.

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