Who: Who I am is unimportant. I do, however, enjoy sex, dally in various relationships, and on top of that I am an organizer by trade, or perhaps faith. I declare here and now that I know as much as anyone about sex and relationships -- which is roughly nothing and everything.
Why: Organizers, activists, change makers, closet progressives -- people trying to save the world often have a hard time figuring out how to Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ do it. Whatever it might be at the moment -- love, dominate, submit, indulge, deny, give, take, fight, let go, wonder, know. I secretly suspect that if everyone were able to find the freedom to really love and please themselves (not to mention each other), the world would be a much more peaceful place.
1. I hate rules!
2. There are no stupid questions, only stupid hang-ups.
3. Pleasure came before political correctness, and so should you!
4. Love yourself first.
I met a man online who seems to be perfect for me. I won't go into the details -- perfection is so specific. But I organize people to vote -- it's a big part of my life -- and I can't find him in the voter lists for our state. I know he's lived here for a long time, I can't imagine that he votes elsewhere. With the way things are going in this country, it is imperative to me that anyone I am dealing with is thinking about how to bring a progressive majority into power. We haven't slept together yet -- how can I be with someone who doesn't engage in our democratic process?
Hoping you V-O-T-E
I see your dilemma! Is there anyway that you can incorporate voter registration into your seduction? Lean into his neck and whisper about power dynamics. Nibble on his knuckle while begging him for an end to Democratic submission. Equate registering with a spanking -- a delectable punishment that is part of the great game of love. And when election time comes, remind him that if he comes home with an 'I Voted' sticker in the right place you'll take it off!
I met this black woman this weekend and I can't get her out of my mind. We were at a party and I just thought she was magnificent. I haven't been exposed to lots of black people and I got the sense flirting with white men was rare for her too. I was drunk and when the conversation turned to sex I think I offended her by saying I've never been with a black woman but have always been sexually attracted to them. I mean, she didn't look mad, but it was just dumb to say. Honest, but dumb. I have to see her again. Is there any way to pursue her without being misconstrued as exoticizing her?
"That Feverish White Boy"
Dear Culturally Challenged Lover,
This is generally a controversial topic. Some people feel you have to be post-race in desire. I've never quite been able to pull it off, and I've never quite seen a race-free love affair. Specifically, I am not sure it is ever possible to engage with your first lover outside your race and not have stereotypes block your real participation in it. You can't go back and remove your fetish from your mouth. However, you can shift how you move forward. Change your whole framework -- as long as you think of yourself as the white man pursuing a magnificent black creature, that's how you will be seen, sized up, and rightfully rejected.