Mr. Heterosexual contest
Featuring a contest to tear up Oprah Mags and a one-minute dissertation on duct tape -- no joke -- Pastor Tom Crouse's (again, no joke...) Heterosexual Contest is getting some hearty smirks from the blogs.
I mean, tearing Oprah Magazines? Has Pastor Crouse cruised the Castro in the past, say, 30 years? Your average pedestrian there could tear apart more gay-bashing anti-Christian pastors than your average cowboy. Like the cowboys in Oscar sensation Brokeback Mountain which is so masculine it features TWO cowboys...
Anyway, let's leave the satire to the pros, like Jesus' General who suggests adding the Ultimate Christian Wrestling circuit to the program, as Rob Adonis' show:
"would add a spiritual dimension that might be hard for us to match. You see he has this one guy who wears tight black shorts with white lips pasted on what I like to call his Mighty Bulge of Irresistible Temptation [see photo: top left].
It entrances his opponents just like the siren song of sodomy casts its spell over regular guys like you and me. Opponent after opponent is seduced by it magic until finally, a man of great spiritual strength is able to resist its spell and pin the bulge's wielder. Once he's down, all of the other wrestlers jump in and beat the shit out of the damned sodomite with loving Christian fury.
Then it's time for Frito pie.G-A-Y writes: "[T]he [competition's] finely nuanced brilliance doesn't stop at crude exhibitions of chauvinism, as Crouse also says, 'In the middle of the event weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to have somebody who formerly lived the homosexual lifestyle give a testimony of how theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve been transformed by Jesus Christ.'"
"Despite this obvious attempt at homosexual demonization... Crouse still sums up the pageant of stereotypical masculinity by saying, 'WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re just looking for tolerance for heterosexuals.'"
Umm, can we get some hate crime stats on that, stat? (Jesus's General & Good As You)
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