Right-wing night sweats.

Once in a while I take a step back and imagine what it's like to live inside the head of a rank-and-file right-winger, one who truly embraces all that the movement's opinion-leaders come up with.

Imagine how horrid it is. You're persecuted by a murky network of ultra-powerful liberals who exercise their awesome might from deep within the shadows. Their goal is to force Christians underground so they can legalize polygamy, child pornography and live sex acts in public, among other things.

They're trying to criminalize conservatism with their activist judges and out-of-control prosecutors, our great institutions of higher-learning are rife with tenured radicals trying to indoctrinate our fine children, the UN is cooking up plans to brainwash us and a hostile media intentionally reports only bad news about the president just because he's a Republican.

Like the Grinch himself, they're even trying to steal Christmas.

It must be hair-raising, truly terrifying.

And all that only covers domestic Evildoers® like yours truly. That's nothing compared to the "turrsts."

There are turrsts everywhere. The U.S. is chock-a-block with Islamist turrst cells. There are eco-turrsts and animal rights turrsts. They're pouring in through Canada and Latin America. Europe is about to fall to the Islamofascist turrsts.

Yet, despite the fact that American women are going to have to wear Burkhas in Berkeley if we don't act (because, you know, they're trying to create a modern-day global Caliphate), there's a Fifth Column in this country that's on their side.

Will somebody please think of the children?

The one bit of refuge from the terrifying, heart-pounding, flop-sweat world conservatives inhabit is, of course, Fox News. There, in the words of Homer Simpson, they can 'bask in television's warm glowing warming glow' without fear of being brainwashed by the turrsts.

That is, until now.

Recently, in a shocking exposé for the Wall Street Journal, Dorrance Smith, a former Media Advisor to the American pro-consul in Iraq, L. Paul Bremer, and George Bush's nominee to be Assistant Sec-Def for Public Affairs, revealed the sinister nexus that links Al Jazeera, al Qaeda and our broadcast networks, Fox included.

As the war continues, more hostages will be taken and acts of murderous violence committed--leading to more videos for al-Jazeera and the networks. Isn't it time to scrutinize the relationship among al-Jazeera, American networks and the terrorists? What role should the U.S. government be playing?
I dunno, water-boarding Katie Couric?
Osama bin Laden, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, and al Qaeda have a partner in al-Jazeera and, by extension, most networks in the U.S. This partnership is a powerful tool for the terrorists in the war in Iraq. […]
Al-Jazeera continues to broadcast because it reportedly receives $100 million a year from the government of Qatar….So, does Qatar's funding of Al-Jazeera constitute state sponsorship of terrorism? As long as Al-Jazeera continues to practice in cahoots with terrorists while we are at war, should the U.S. government maintain normal relations with Qatar? As long as Al-Jazeera continues to aid and abet the enemy, as long as we are fighting a war on the ground and in the airwaves, why are we not fighting back against Al-Jazeera and Qatar, the nation that makes possible the network's existence? […]
Geez, we've been blowing up al Jazeera offices since the war started, what does Smith want?
In addition to being subsidized by Qatar, Al-Jazeera has very strong partners in the U.S.--ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, CNN and MSNBC. Video aired by Al-Jazeera ends up on these networks, sometimes within minutes. […]
The war in Iraq will likely drag on for some time. More lives will be lost and more hostages will be taken and more videos will be made. Now we should engage the terrorists on the airwaves as we do on the ground.
This guy needs to line his cap with heavy-duty tin-foil. According to the Army Times, Carl Levin (D-Mich), agrees. It reported this exchange about Smith's Wall Street Journal op-ed during his confirmation hearing:
"That's a very serious allegation," Levin said solemnly. "Did you really mean that there is a relationship [between the networks and al Qaeda]?"
It is a "collaborative" relationship, said Smith, who has worked at ABC's "Nightline" and "This Week with David Brinkley" in his 30-year television career.
"I think that's a serious mischaracterization," Levin continued. "It suggests what your approach will be to information if you are confirmed in this position."
Later in the article, Smith is quoted - without any apparent irony - as saying the military's own broadcast network should present a "fair and balanced" view, and if confirmed, he would make sure of that.


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