Maureen needs a date

Maureen Dowd's now infamous essay (based on her new book) in the New York Times magazine -- "What's a Modern Girl to Do" -- left this modern girl with an intractable dilemma: so much to ridicule, so little time. But really, like I have better things to do. For those who were wise enough to give this staggering display of self-absorption a miss, let me recap.

Dowd was a lipstick-wearing renegade in college, where she bravely resisted the efforts of hairy-lipped feminists determined to part her from her "gold lamé gown cut on the bias." But she kinda liked the whole equality thang and assumed that "her earnest sisters in black turtlenecks and Birkenstocks" would do their job just so Dowd would be free to shimmy her way into a fabulous career without giving up her feminine right to have an adoring man by her side.

Sadly, those bitches dropped the ball and we ended up with "The Backlash." But Dowd has not given up the struggle -- though to achieve what exactly remains unclear -- despite being foiled repeatedly by excruciatingly shallow women (usually young) and men (mostly middle-aged). Here's a select but representative -- only of Dowd's rolodex -- sampling of the fools this poor woman has to suffer. First the gals:


"Men like hunting, and we shouldn't deprive them of their chance to do their hunting and mating rituals," my 26-year-old friend Julie Bosman, a New York Times reporter.
"(Going dutch on a date is) a scuzzy 70's thing, like platform shoes on men," (a suitably anonymous and nondescript young woman) told me.
One of my girlfriends, a TV producer in New York, told me much the same thing: "If you offer, and they accept, then it's over."
And here are the guys after the JUMP:
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