Kim Jong is the Il-est

"Guys, exciting news on the Kim Jong-il front!" writes Chelsea Peretti.

According to...er.........an article "on a Web site run by North Korea":

• Kim surprised a group of North Korean officials attending a meeting in 2002 by recalling all their phone numbers "with lightning speed."

"SURPRISE!!"

• On a day Kim visited a cemetery, he looked around at the tombs and he remembered the achievements, characteristics, tastes and bereaved family members for hundreds of the dead by a quick glance at the names on tombstones.

I guess I just want to know more about webmaster "North Korea."

• Kim pilots jet fighters, pens operas, produces movies and accomplished a feat unmatched in the annals of professional golf by shooting 11 holes-in-one on the first round he ever played.

Aw, come on. Try harder, propaganda people, you can do BETTER!

• The first time KJ had sex a baby was instantly born -- he is that fertile.
• He can smell an apple from up to ONE THOUSAND MILES AWAY.
• When he did not like rain he made it go away.
•Top of Mount Everest: every day.
• KJ can make up to 80,000 crepes at a time, both sweet and savory. Doesn't matter to him! Easy. Whatever you like.
• Can cry on command.
• Won Iron Chef every time he competed, which was every time it ever aired!"

Yeah, but can he clear brush? (Huffington Post)

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