Making a Splash

Corporate Advertising is everywhere.

I don't mean on radio, TV, billboards, and other commercial spaces. I also don't merely mean that it's in our public schools, yammering at us in elevators, catching us by surprise in our parks and museums, and otherwise intruding into our community spaces. I mean it's EVERYWHERE.

I know, you're thinking, Hightower, there you go again with the gross exaggeration. But I'm not exaggerating. You want gross? Meet the latest advertising advance: Wizmark.

That's wiz, as in, take a whiz. Yes, we're talking about male urination, and the advertising potential therein. Perhaps you think that I'm going to go on a tear about the little TV screens that many places are now putting above the urinals, so you can watch an ad as you... well, whiz.

But, no that would be almost civilized in today's world of ad excess. I'm not talking about advertising above the urinals - I'm talking about ads in the urinals. Indeed, ads you whiz on.

You know those plastic urinal screens that also deodorize? Wizmark has now accessorized them with ads. Not some bland printed ad, either. Dr. Richard Deutsch, creator of the Wizmark, has brought to us the world's first - are you ready? - "interactive urinal communicator."

He offers one that has a motion detector. When a gentleman steps forward to do his business, a ring of flashing lights are triggered in the screen, drawing the gentleman's startled attention to your corporate logo, safely protected in the middle of the screen by a waterproof casing.

Or, if that's too subtle, Wizmark offers a voice & sound model with a microprocessor that shouts ad slogans and corporate jingles at the urinator. Still not tacky enough? Gotcha covered. Dr. Deutsch has the patent on a radio-frequency model that can read your ID card and personally greet you when you step up to the urinal: "Hey, Frank, good to see you again!"

I don't even want to know where the ad hucksters are taking us next.


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