A Cell Phone Club for Liars and Cheats

Excellent news, Americans: A new way to lie!

In a nation that's gone from the simple childhood fibs of "my dog ate my homework" to the far more nefarious lies of a White House that has sent hundreds of people to die in Iraq on the false claims that Saddam Hussein was about to hit us with weapons of mass destruction...now we have new technology to extend the culture of lying to anyone with a cell phone.

Yes, cell phones not only allow you to make calls, keep track of your kid's whereabouts, and even take photographs, but also to join cells of cellphone liars who'll help you cheat on your spouse, skip work, or...you name it.

Take the "alibi and excuse club," a network of some 3,400 subscribers – unknown to each other – who're willing to lie for you, in exchange for you lying for them when they're in a pinch. Say you want to slip away for a weekend with a lover. What to tell your spouse? No problem. Just send out a message to the "alibi and excuse" group, and you're likely to get a volunteer who'll call your spouse, posing as one of your bosses and explaining that you've been dispatched on an emergency sales mission to New York or Paris or Kalamazoo. You pay a fee to join the club, and you're also under some general obligation to return the favor when other members put out the call for a credible lie.

Jumping on an entrepreneurial opportunity, others have found ways to add value to the lying phone schemes. For $2.99, for example, you can equip your cell phone to play the sounds of a rasping cough to simulate a lung infection – while you're sitting on the beach sipping a cool one! You can also get honking horns and a screaming ambulance to simulate a traffic jam, thus explaining why you can't get home – while you're actually chilling at a bar and watching the game.

Of course, there could be glitches – such as if your spouse joins the same alibi club and inadvertently takes your call for help in creating a lie so you can have an affair. Ouch.

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

alternet logo

Tough Times

Demand honest news. Help support AlterNet and our mission to keep you informed during this crisis.