Bush Creates New Manufacturing Jobs!

I have excellent news, Americans! The Bushites have come up with a sure-fire plan to increase the number of manufacturing jobs in the USA!

Yes, while Democrats merely complain about the demise of such jobs, George W and his team are stepping forward with a creative, can-do solution that, I think, can only be described as astonishing.

Their plan is proposed in the "Economic Report of the President." In it, George W's top economists assert that all of those people working in such fast food joints as McDonalds and Subway really are not part of the service economy -- but more accurately should be reclassified as manufacturing workers, just as those who make cars and other industrial products. After all, contend Bush's crack team of job classifiers, when you insert that meat patty, lettuce, cheese, and ketchup into a sliced bun, you are engaged in the combining of inputs to "manufacture" a product, no less so than those who assemble electronic parts to manufacture, say, a computer.

Bush's innovative economists also note that manufacturing is officially defined as "the mechanical, physical, or chemical transformation of materials into new products," and, they claim, when you heat ground beef, you are, in fact, chemically transforming it into a burger.

Of course, if Bush can redefine hundreds of thousands of hamburger flippers as manufacturing workers, then he can statistically hush the critics who've been pointing to the drastic decline in these production jobs. There's another upside for the Bushites, too -- since manufacturing gets special tax breaks, suddenly Bush's backers in the fast-food industry serendipitously qualify.

I'm with Bush on this one. After, all, by assembling nouns, verbs, and whatnot, I have manufactured this piece, and by applying the chemistry of my tiny brain cells, I have transformed raw words into a new product. Manufacturers of the world, unite! Now, where do I go to get my tax break?

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. AlterNet’s journalists work tirelessly to counter the traditional corporate media narrative. We’re here seven days a week, 365 days a year. And we’re proud to say that we’ve been bringing you the real, unfiltered news for 20 years—longer than any other progressive news site on the Internet.

It’s through the generosity of our supporters that we’re able to share with you all the underreported news you need to know. Independent journalism is increasingly imperiled; ads alone can’t pay our bills. AlterNet counts on readers like you to support our coverage. Did you enjoy content from David Cay Johnston, Common Dreams, Raw Story and Robert Reich? Opinion from Salon and Jim Hightower? Analysis by The Conversation? Then join the hundreds of readers who have supported AlterNet this year.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

DonateDonate by credit card

Close

Thanks for your support!

Did you enjoy AlterNet this year? Join us! We're offering AlterNet ad-free for 15% off - just $2 per week. From now until March 15th.