The Verge of Worst

I love the Green Party. Let me clarify that. I love the idea of the Green Party. They're against corruption and in favor of the environment. They prefer people over corporations and encourage the rich to assume responsibility for society's less fortunate. They listen to NPR, bathe often, drive Volvos and force neighborhood groceries to stock free range chicken liver pate. When it comes right down to it, the Green Party is Pro-Good, Anti-Bad. Bearing malice to them is like making fun of the 5 year old flower girl walking down the aisle at your buddy's second wedding. It's disparaging innocence cubed. You might as well hate goldfish. Go with me on this. Both fun to have around. Neither requires devoted attention and when confronted with their inevitable demise, it's not a big deal, because nobody, not even the flower girl has become overly attached.

Here's my problem with the Green Party. Ralph Nader, single-handedly responsible for throwing the millennial election to Bush, has never apologized. No "Whoa, who knew that was going to happen?" Or, "Got to be honest people, not what I was aiming for." Not even a "My bad. Terribly sorry. Won't happen again."

During the campaign, Nader's mantra was America can't get better until it gets worse. Let me think. Year 2000. Peace. Prosperity. No federal judges jockeying to out nazi each other in order to be shortlisted for the next Supreme Court nomination. No Attorney-General wrapping himself in the same flag whose rights he's shredding. Thousands and thousands of foreign innocents incinerated because they wear funny hats, believe in a different Comic Book hero than we do and live above much dead dinosaur doo.

You know what, America's worse! It's as worse as it's ever been. And in the next 20 months I expect it to get worser. So that's what I need from the Green Party. An explanation as to what exactly is their Worser Threshold? Where lies their Verge of Worst? At what point do they hold a press conference and force some hacky-sack playing protein deprived balding grey haired pony tailed ex-hippie wearing jeans and a leather vest over a bare chest announce "You know what, this whole 'killing everybody who looks at us funny' situation has gotten out of hand and it is imperative we bond together to defeat this dancing corporate lackey monkey boy." And I'm betting it's not going to happen at their national convention in DC at the Mayflower Hotel this weekend.

No, my friends, we got a better chance of witnessing Dick Cheney whistle blowing Haliburton for illegal influence peddling and stripping them of all government contracts. That's the problem with the left. Up against the wall their turn all zombie on you and eat their own. At least you can always trust Conservatives to find common ground. "Sir, you are totally out line with that ridiculous proposal." "You know, quite a tidy profit could be made on this. And I know the project manager personally." "Mr Chairman, the Honorable Gentleman has managed to persuade me with his sensibly reasoned argument."

Liberals on the other hand are cursed to be true believers. So intent on articulating their own version of the vision, they refuse to accommodate other viewpoints or consider mediating their strategy with proposals from their philosophical brethren no matter how similar. To the point of dooming their own cause. Why? Because they are right, dammit. Right and true and fair and just, and the truth is a beautiful thing that is to be cherished and not compromised. Their belief in honor and justice and integrity and virtue and purity blinds them and they end up having as much effect on today's society as a Bookmobile in the parking lot at a Tractor Pull.

You know what, they're right. The Democrats are almost as bad as the Republicans. But as we've seen in the last two and a half years, a lot of lives fit in the margins of that "almost." I don't know if any of the Democrats running have a chance next November. I'm not sure any of the Democrats running could escape from a stalled escalator. But 12 years ago, Clinton captured the holy Oval flag only because all their big time schtarkers were hiding behind the refreshment stand. All I know is last time around, Pat Buchanan destroyed the Reform Party; the same Reform Party that swung 1992 away from Bush I. And if Nader runs again about the only way the Democrats could possibly win in 2004 is if Bush runs out of small unarmed countries to invade and declares war on Canada. And even then, he'd still carry the border states.

Will Durst is running for governor and needs campaign volunteers. No pay. Few benefits. Long hours. Hopeless cause.


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