Nothing Changes

Here's my theory. Nothing changes. Yep, that's it. The whole damn concept in a nutshell. And isn't that terrific? A scoshe more than 15,000 days on the planet and the best I can come up is: Heraclitus was wrong. Nothing really changes.

Oh, sure, they tell us it does change and a few of us may think we see changes but they and we are both as wrong as ballpark sushi. And no, that's not new, that's stupid. Yeah, sure, the West Coast Offense has replaced the Lombardi Sweep, but at the end of the day, doesn't it all come down to ball control? You see my point. But, did you see this? Did you? George W. Bush selected Henry Kissinger to head the commission designed to investigate possible US intelligence leakages leading to the Al Qaeda attacks on Sept. 11, 2001.

Yes, that Henry Kissinger! You remember: Nixon's brain. Mr. "Don't Be A Wimp, Mr. President, Bomb 'Em." I heard about the appointment on the car radio and my head immediately popped off. It started ricocheting off the dashboard and the headrests and I finally had to pull over to retrieve it when it got wedged between that shelf behind the backseat and the rear windshield. I hid behind a tree so people would stop pointing and beeping. I think it might have had something to do with my head turning bright blue and smoke coming from its ears like the tail pipe of a '74 Vega with a blown head gasket.

And you know how people get when they see blue disembodied heads rebounding around rented Chevy Malibus blowing smoke out their ears? Especially these days. They get a little, I don't know, what would you call it, leery?

Here's my point. They think we're idiots. First Bush softens us up with some tired old GOP retreads named Rumsfeld and Cheney -- old Nixon and Ford buddies. And now he brings in Dr. Strangelove for a sequel. The Republicans must think the US government is one big game of volleyball.

Everytime it's their turn to serve, they yell "Rotate," and a bunch of old white guys shuffle into new positions. I just want to clear up one eensy teensy tiny minor matter here. Exactly how stupid does Bush think we are? Wait a minute, don't answer that. I don't want to know. I'll admit I don't know much, but one of the few things I am barely cognizant of is when you're trying to shed light on a possible conspiracy, you DON'T PUT HENRY KISSINGER IN CHARGE. You might as well designate Osama bin Laden as events co-ordinator for National Organization of Women. Name Julia Child as Coach of the 2004 US Olympic Basketball Team. Make Chris Matthews the keynote speaker at the International Whispering Tournament. There's more, but you get my drift.

Will Durst is a big fan of drift. But it's not really change.

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